gweeeenddaaaayyy

im still idolizing greenday. they're aaawwwwwwsssuuummmmm. smackin fabulistic. Bullet in a Bible is the best album to sweat it out, if you excuse my crudeness. sigh. im still not over the fact i missed their concert last year. by thiiiiiiisss muuuch. *tiny space between thumb n forefinger*

ive been thinking about the hours i spend in school and at home, sitting on my butt. its quite a lot really. im in school from 7.30 till 2 usually, and yeah i sit for almost 6 hours 5 times a week. then when i get home, i have to do all the schoolwork, which takes about 2 to 3 hours, excluding zoning out time, which is 1 or 2 hours. so in a normal day, i spend about 10 waking hours flattening my buttcheeks for the sake of education?!?!?!!??!?! OUTRAGEOUS!!! but sadly, its true =(

*sob*

evil evil evil twist of fate of life of motherlovinnature. hmph.

sigh. yeah, my zoning out time is up. i need about an hour's worth of work later to finish up what i started today. huhuhuhu... where's my reprieve? *wail*

blardy fudge!!!

exasperation, frustration, distress, annoyance, mafanness and qingwodepiguness.

the AS results have been rumoured to come out tomorrow, and the day after, and the next tomorrow, and always tomorrow. tuh. perrrthetic. i just wana get it done and over with, so that i dont have to listen to people talk about oooooo if i dont get this results im gna sit for it again, or might as well take it in november, on the other hand maybe i should just take it, or i could take some other paper instead. OH WHAT THE BLARDY FOOT ENOUGH ALREADY. i hate it when people talk about something they cant control, over and over and over again. as if they crave attention. well maybe they are. ugh. i truly despise repetitions.

so, yeah. exams n results. pfft.

i think my dry/neglected lips have taken its toll on me. there's been this numb swelling on my upper lip for a few days now. initial thoughts got me washing my blankets n whatnot. medical expertise got me 3 prescriptions. = =" one to reduce the numbness, one to moisturise the lips, one to reduce the swelling. hopefully. haiyoooo.... blardy lips. i doubt anyone ever has a medical history as unique as mine. pfft. i wont begin to list them down here. it freaked me out as it is.

shiatz. i just had to run out into the rain to save the laundry. arrrggghhhhhh!!!!

well yea. so. the pharmacist likes my newly acquired sexy lips. im dreading tomorrow's schoolwork. my newly washed blankets are naturally washed by motherlovinnature. my teacher is expecting the best from us cos we're her last batch before she retires. oh and i still have loads of revision to do amidst all the hustle n bustle of chinese new year. wheee~

It's a Dog Do Year. pfft.

Empty

...

I've nothing much to say really. My thoughts aren't unorganized, my feelings aren't jumbled up, my sanity's pretty much on the correct thread. Oh, but I still have hunger pangs. *grin* Martabak, satay, chicken burger, chips, coke, mango cake!

Oh gawsh, I just love torturing my soul with food. lol.

Till the next brainwave comes, take care, dear readers.

hmph

im having a bad day T_T
i hate weekends.
im too angry to care.
i dont trust myself to speak.
its not about people.
i just hate everything about today.
screw it.
its a good thing noone's home.
blast it all to hell and back.
sad songs are for cowards and pathetic people.
if you cant face the music,
then go the bloody hell away.

summer days are coming

i love the sun. if i hadn't known better i would've worshipped the sun. it's sooooo waaarrrmm. pfft. ok enough crap.

totally busy weeks. so. much. bloody. homework. i wonder what's wrong with the teachers. sigh. it's the ultimate sacrifice. sleep, or good grades. = =" what in the world. uit's these kind of decisions which have the ultimate effect on the outcome. arrgghh... the AS results are comin out in about 1 or 2 weeks time.... !!!!!!!!!! well truth be told im not ecstatic or even nervous about it. i just want to know what i got, so i can fill in the next exam form. pfft. really. exams have no more effect on my nerves. people, on the other hand... gawsh.

i wana capo, and a school locker, and a room stuffed with junkfood, a room stuffed with novels, a cleaned version of my bedroom, a robot to finish my homework for me and lotsa lotsa free time on my hands. SIGH.

i'm just complaining on everyday life stuff. cos i have nothing else to talk about. the teachers have made sure we students have no life outside school. curses.

more poems then. ^^

i'm orange and i'm bored
someone's talking, truth be told
rather them than me i think
thoughts in my head can not link
thus the randomness in me
splays out wide for all to see
pick my brains, stew my thoughts
come out soggy, you retort
i don't care, it was your choice
at least i let you your voice

hmm...i guess i didn't finish it. couldnt and cant think of anything to continue the next few phrases. hmmm...next time then. maybe.

insomnia

insomnia flashed through my mind
restless body, alert brain
painstaking wakeful moments
blacked out periods of sleep
twist and turn fitfully
my despair
i need a drug induced sleep
what better than cough syrup
with a jolt, i'm in insomnia
awake throughout dark hours
many hours
aware of things that should be kept secret
counting sheep, one, two, three
praying for the medicine to work
it's almost dawn, dark dawn
too long for insomnia hours
still awake, alert
my despair
counting sheep, fifty, two hundred, a thousand
despair as i fear to be
an insomniac for the rest of my life

i wrote that poem some time last year. it took me from then till now to find the words:

too much time to think
too much time to brood
i dont mind the darkness
i embrace it
but the expanse of my thoughts is more than i can bear
my mind is depriving my body
my body is depriving my mind
there is no where to hide, if not in sleep
no place to dream
no place to hold off the real world
not one minute
that is what i fear

today's another day

isnt it funny how you can still feel so alone even when you're surrounded by everyone who cares for you? aahhh, the wonders of life.

im in a pensive mood. i just cant get over some things which dont matter at all. plus i have a mountain of assignments to get done by saturday! eek!!! i didnt even procrastinate much this week and it all came to this. *smack on forehead* intelligent demons. huh.

well, today's as normal as it gets. i taught my sister some basic chachacha. she passed. *grin* considering ive seen worse, she's alright. on the right track. heheh. oh and ahem, it also takes a good teacher do get it right. wahahahahah.

i dunno. ive dropped a lot of activities which used to be fun for me. i used to go out a lot, do a lot of sports and outdoor activities. over the years, i lost interest in a lot of things. i used to be so full and excited about life. now, all i cant think of is ace-ing college so i can get into uni. sad, huh. this is what ive reduced to.

i get afraid of the littlest things. like calling the pizza hotline, or answering the door. ask me to get a napkin from the counter which is 5 metres away and see me cringe and make excuses.

its shyness, in medical terms.

some sort of inferiority complex, or a social habit. its not some childish hue ive brought with me to my teens. i just cant shake it off. i get anxiety attacks. doesnt look like it, but you'll never know the dread and panic until you feel like you cant breathe. believe me, ive tried doing the normal things, practising whenever i get the cahnce. but it hasnt gone away.

why am i explaining myself?

sigh. i just wish the little quirks in my life would vanish. or at least i had someone to get along with it. i used to hide in the toilet whenever there were guests in the house, so i wouldnt have to face them. sometimes i still do. i wish life was that easy too. like i could hide whenever i wanted to.

there are 2 people who are on my mind. not a good thing. they annoy the hell out of me. because i just cant figure them out. 1 person, hardly ever shows any emotion. the 2nd person, hardly ever shows, period. im trying to know you dammit. cant you see that?

oh no worries. the usual people who read my blog arent any of the 2. =)

sigh. who am i if it were not for school? what am i if it not were for books? what would i do if it were not for work or education?

coming back to what i was saying, i just dont get a thrill out of life anymore. ive tried so many things that can be tried here. i learned how to cycle, rollerblade, skate, swim, jump, run, climb, dance, play, perform, endure, flaunt, hide, lie, speak the truth, and breathe.

something's missing. and i dont know how to fix it. and i dont know what it is at all.

ramblings no one ever hears

i wrote this yesterday but in all my faulty mind i forgot to publish it. here goes... =p

Somebody told me...

write something nice about engineers
like how sexy they look in their specs
and oooh, holding the super sexy thick textbook
with heaps of unexplainable diagrams
and all those sexy fingers running through the keys on their keyboard
when they do programming
ooh how they perspire to get the program working
man...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i think the 12hour daytime sleep has gotten to me. i woke up at 4pm.
ive been daydreaming again.
today i wrote poems again. i havent done that in a long, long time.
that fuzzy feeling is overwhelming. it's nice, but it's making me lose track of what i should be doing. i don't know what i mean.
hmm. i dont want to go to school tomorrow. concentration is a difficult task.
but i do hope more days like these will come. it gives my creative side room to breathe.

thoughts from the past

hmm. call it self-evaluation, call it vanity, call it what you will.

people used to complain/talk behind my back/bitch/comment/say it in my face that i was or am a moody, intimidating girl who never smiled. and everytime i hear that my mouth just gapes open and i go "wtf? wtf? wtf?"

i dunno. i choose to be what i want to be. i act how i feel. simple as that. i show what i want people to see. that may seem scary to you, but the important thing is i know who i am, what i am. and intelligent people-smarts people will usually know when i am being sincere. =)

i guess im cheerier nowadays, because i will myself to be. i dont know whether im glad i did it or not. it's alright i suppose. but i kinda miss my old, intimidating self. hahahaa.

oh. my sister finally saw the rice mites when you put the raw rice in the pot. wahuahuahua. XD now you know why i wash the rice short of soap, several of several times. geli huh.

hmm. i got sidetracked by that noisy pink person again. i'll continue later when i catch that thread again.

tea on my jeans

hrmph. can't understand why i felt so tired when i woke up this morning. i had a good 8 hours worth of sleep, but i felt like crap. lol. anyhoo, went to have dimsum at Emperor's Court for lunch. it was pretty good actually. more or less the same with the dimsum at Dynasty, cos they're of the same branch anyway. i luuuuv the salad prawn tho. yummmmm ^^ mmm thinking abt dimsum again. woo~ the atmosphere's pretty nice, perfect for having a good meal and a chat with people. but the food's still better at Dynasty i reckon. more choices. EC havent got all the quirks worked out yet i reckon. anyhoo, go there when uve the time.

i got gooood books too at Manggis Mall. lol. sounds so weird. manggis mall manggis mall. XD yeah, i think im gna be a bookworm again. start bringin non-school books to school so i can read up during lunch. yeahhhh.

as for the record, today has been my klutziest day. i spilled tea and wet my jeans. then i spilled coke and wet my school books. *dear god...* ive still got some things i need to do, like watch Saw, read up my old notes, do articles for the BB, wash my new laundry basket (muahuahuahua... unnecessary information, but yer welcome) and eat my junk food. ive been missing out on tv. =( but i dont mind much. ive got my new pooters. ^^ oh yea i just reformatted this one, so its allll goooood. *big smiley face*

my physics teacher caught one of my funny dividers. it read:

When I grow up
I want to be a piece
of blackcurrant
bubblegum.

Is is the stuff of my
dreams - like the
stuffing in a great, big
roasted turkey.

I like to eat animals, too.

ohmegod. i thought he was gna hold it up and announce it for the whole class to hear. *i must remember to check all my sister-tainted stuff. = =" * thankgoodness he just laughed and walked away. phewwwwww...

mental note: must control endorphins to control giggling and bimbo-ness.

oh i sayyyy, my new bedspread is all black. like black black black. so kewl. next shopping spree must look for a fuschia one. XD

mental note: must stop writing dumb blog entries.

*giggle*

oh dear

Think Lee Harding's Wasabi song.

All I can picture is acid green splashes on a white and purple background. Let's not forget the shadowed and blacklined eyes, as well as baggy pants and countless bangles. Makes you just want to rock your head and freak out huh. I loike. ^^ I saw his vid when I was in Melb. Very awesome. He has just become part of my music collection.

Perfect de-stressing song, especially after school.

Ick. School schmool. You can never escape first day homework. *smooching and patting new pooter*

Sick I know. Go get a barfbag.

Hmm, nothing much has changed. Aside from my mentality that is. Everyone's still the same, but I see everyone in a new light now. *trying to broaden mind* And oh my freakin blue toes, I was so late to school yesterday, I squished my way in muddy grass, got to class early cos of misinformation, nearly missed registration and lost my breath. Wohlauuu eh. Never again am I leaving the house at 7.25 = =" Enriching experience, but not fun.

I see familiar faces I can't name. My memory's slipping. I'm afraid I'll be sleepy again in class like last year. It really cost me. My only worry is I won't be able to perform well. Ahh screw it. I'm so fed up thinking about it. Just so people would know, I'm just gna do my best. That's it. We'll see what goes on from there.

Education can be such a prick eh?

Things are definitely getting busy. I'm not sure I'll be able to blog much again. Shiatz. My thoughts seem to be flying in all directions. Mostly in the wrong directions. Dammit. Where's self-constraint when I need it? pfft. I really am getting more and more random. Effects of ADD? I dunno, I dont care. All I know is that I'm hungry.

XD

dust bunnies and webby metropolitans

Well so far, today's been quite an event. I slept at the crack of dawn and woke up at 11, no thanks to my clock. I had lunch with Lai, Slesh and Lesley at Kate's. Pretty fun. We had a good time catching up with each other and gossiping. Hahahaha.

Concerning lunch, the food was alright. I approve. harhar. A wee bit on the upscale but that's alright, cos skali skala (once in a while) wah. The total came up to about $38, but we stayed there for like 2-3 hours.

Concerning people, I never knew there was so much to be talked about. Haha. Everyone had their own holiday story to tell. Everyone had a bit of gossip to share. We all had a good time. I really think we should have more of these eat-outs. Makes college less dull if you know what I mean. We're all dreading school though. It's TOMORROW!!! ick. I'm so not ready to jumpstart those neurons, not when they're all rusted and missing in bits. huhuhuhuhuhu... =(

I guess I'm just really glad to be with company again. I haven't really allowed myself to enjoy being around people. Don't ask me why because I'm not too sure of the reason myself. All I know is, I'm going to try to be a better person. *grin*

We had a major re-shuffle in the house this afternoon. Migawd. And we were just moving the furniture in 2 rooms. And heaving and dusting and wiping and drying and stretching those muscles. I seriously have biceps now. No comments please. No comments.

Plus my initially black shirt is white with dust and lint. >.<

Klutz. That's what I am. Banged and lost footing and scraped and nearly cramped and knocked. It would be easier and less complicated if I was the thin and bony kind, but unfortunately not. I feel like an unfortunate sloth.

I'm so tiirreeedd..... = =

I think I'm going to wake up to school with sores and aches. And that's if I manage to even wake up at all. It's back to the crack-o-dawn schedule. *droopy puppy face* After this, I'll still need to get my school stuff ready. And have dinner. And wash up. And god-knows-what other chores I'll have to do.

Hmm. I like my new day-at-a-time calendar. The sarcasm and twisted cuteness is damn near my line of philosophies. ^^ I can't believe it's only the 2nd day of the year. It feels like a week passed by.

I'm so tiirreeedd.....

i know enough swear words to fend off buggers

http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/2006/01/ladies-and-gentlemen-i-present-to-you.html

Shocking i tell you. Honestly and fortunately, those horrible experiences of being groped or sprayed have never happened to me. I've been to Orchard Road twice last year and nothing ever happened.

Maybe it was the bitchy scowl on my face. Maybe it was my overbearing mother in front of me. Maybe it was my boyish look. Maybe it was the knife I had in my bag. I'm kidding, I don't carry knives around. Maybe I was just lucky, and God was on my side. Maybe. I don't know.

It just goes to show how much the human race has achieved in the last 21 centuries. Horrible, I tell you. All those girls unfortunate enough to experience spray-and-grope have my sympathy. And as a girl, I say go carve out those fugly balls!!!

Really, I can't begin to imagine how these people get the pleasure out of tormenting passerbys. KNN!!! Until guy companions are needed to scare away those losers!!! *imagining to punch imaginary groper* I can imagine how !!!!! those girls feel though.

I actually had a dream where my butt was pinched by some fat fuckwit who grinned stupidly at me after pretending to brush past me. The helplessness of being taken advantage of made me feel like I wanted to beat the daylights out of him. And that was only a dream.

Imagine what I would've done in reality.

It irks me to know how few decent people are left on earth. *shudder* I know many thousands of people have been devastated by 2005's catastrophic events. I know everyone is hoping that this year will be better and more manageable. I just can't stop being the pessimist I am and think more dastardly events will come.

Maybe things will take a turn after all the bad has happened. Maybe it's just a phase. Maybe a miracle will happen after all.

Let's pray something good will come out of all this. Let's do what we can and not repeat the mistakes we made. Let's step out of our little lives for once to help those with bigger problems.

Sometimes I just go nuts when I see some article in the papers, saying a few million bucks would go to making a movie or some popular person goes out of their way to shake hands with the public. Like what in the effin whisker is the benefit of all that????

Sure there must be more to life than this. Surely there must be something we humans are meant to achieve before we die.

I haven't found my place in this life yet, that's for sure.

how new is new?

Well, it's 2006. and i don't feel the excitement. i feel the determination to succeed because this is going to be my one year to prove myself to everyone. isn't that what the world is all about? proving ourselves, so that we can secure our stand in society? honestly, i dont really care what people think of me. i dont care about the gossip or the latest trends. i care about what i need, what i want, and the people around me. hmm, truth or fiction?

that's for me to know, and for you to find out.

in any case, i wanted a template change. i know the purple throne concept seems arrogant, but i know that you know that we all know our rights on the internet. so, i just hope you like the colours. ^^ i like the purple, black and white concept. funkeyyyyy.

it's going to be a tough year, and im going to have a damned stressful time. im not complaining, just stating. i know better than to ooze useless everyday spites, unless they're for fun of course.

hmm. seems to me, some people are growing up too. i just hope not growing apart. just up. *wry smile* oh, i also aim to meet more acquaintances this year, what with the juniors pouring in around march. muahuahuahuahua... *wicked grin*

the new calendars are up, my revision is ummm...alright, the mentality is set. i just dont get why i have to be so grim when it comes to work. i enjoy work, sometimes. still, i wish i was more of an optimist. well, maybe up till noon anyway. hahahaha.

today, on the 1st of january 2006, i intend to sleep allll dayyyyy looong. then i intend to revise. and tinker around here. heheheh. OHHH DID I MENTION??? im getting a new pooter!!!!!!!!!!!! XD its going to be delivered to my doorstep in about a week's time. how sweet is that? sorry sorry, pun intended. harharhar.

anyway, i'll post up the specs soon. oh im just positively drooling at the thought of it. finally! something i can work with. even if it's for a year, before my intended overseas studies. lol.

happy new year. to all my buddies and chums, see you soon. all the best. hope the rest of you are good, even if i havent seen you in months, years.

enough mush. supper time!!!

^^ updatedversion, 2006