wewheww

helloerr and gooood morting =p

i've been watching oprah and it cracks me up. i'm beginning to find the joys of having astro. its taking its toll on my butt though. i think it melted it off. sssssssssmokin. well school's out in 3 weeks time, and lotsa things are gna be happening in between that time. letsee, to name a few:

1. i'll be getting my test results back. so far i got Bs for math and bio. not so good, but not too bad either. gna start workin on my june exams now.
2. junior intake starts on the 1st!!! muahuahuahuah. i dunno, did i repeat that in the previous posts? anyhoo, i'm just really really curious. were we like that when we just came in? all fresh and naive? lol. its gna be hilarious lookin at ourselves a year back. i tell ya, biiig difference now.
3. oooooo my aunts and grandma are comin from canada!!! wahahahaha. they'll arrive just at the start o the hols. its gna be interesting, finding time to babysit, hang out and study. lolzzzz. its gna be a helluva noisy house then i tell ya.
4. my friends are all turnin 18 without me =( i got promised they're gna drag me outta the house once they get their licenses. i dunno if thats a good thing or a bad thing. wahahahahha. u people sound too evil for my liking. XD
5. shifting and deviating again. gna re-do my blog template and start deviating again once i've managed to plan everything well. havent been deviating for a few weeks now. eck. the white and pink look is boooring me out. need something snazzy, liven it up. any ideas hmm?

i guess those are the main events. aside from thaaaaaat, everything's routine.

my chem teacher cracked several jokes this afternoon. so farney. hoo man. he's actually getting funnier! lol. someone's been getting some... wahahahahahahahahhahaahahhahaahha *roflmao* no lah no lah. sick joke. uhm, yeah well. school's fine. im enjoying it like i used to do back in st angela's . hmmmm brings back funny memories. i wonder how the teachers are doing. =p gosh, im getting sentimental. tsk tsk.

peace out. XD

summa summa summaaaaaahhhhh

= =" how did pornpgraphic obscenities end up in my comments?

well im washed out. i had 4 tests on saturday, came close to a nervous breakdown, had a sushi dinner w friends, and mushed up my pink brain in front o the tube. coo coo.

im anticipating something. hmmm, dunno what but it'll come to me. wahahha. i don't make sense. seems like i rarely do these days. all i know is that the hols are comin!!! yay. means more time to catch up revision. how sad is that. =p

the summer daze is so totally here.

intellectual satisfaction

i like that. that's the term i've been looking for all these years. thanks to char's post on a french wacko professor, i think my IQ level has just fluctuated cos i was laughing inwards so hard. *tear* seriously, that is one o the dumbest, arrogant & syok-sendiri persons ive ever heard of in my life. hooboy.

ive got tests this week. and next week. and ive got tons o revision to do the weeks after that. sigh. time of my life. yep yep. its just sad how the lives of bruneian teens revolve around school. sigh.

yep well i can complain n bitch about how my day wasnt perfect. muahuahuahuahuahuah. but i wont. i seem to be sleeping a lot though. weird. anyhooo, random thoughts.

i think i have a tummy.

XD

my stack o clean but wrinkled clothes is turning into a mountain. so i have to wade my way through clothes in the morn, so im generally late for school in the morns.lolz.

ok, blogging time not working out too well. *hysterical giggle* i hope i pass my phy test tmrw.

things i can't stand

i can't stand shallow mindedness. i can't, i can't. i drives me nuts when i hear people talk about how pretty this person looks and they'll get through life fine because of their looks. i can't stand it when people go oooohhh he's so big and fat, i'm so scared of him. i can't stand labels and stereotypes because they're so motherfudgin shallow. i can't stand it when people go wahhhh, i don't wana go if you don't go just for the sake of peer company. just so duckin pointless!!!!! what's your point of living if you're going to live by society's rules and etiquette???? bloody hell, i hate followers. i can excuse followers who are unable to think on their own, but followers who are actually capable of adding 1 and 1 to 2, now that just damnright pisses me off. get a life. get some balls and do things your own way. i fell like smackin their faces when people are reduced to walking around in crowds, and so afraid of being 'alone' or 'friendless'. GET A FUDGIN LIFE DAMMIT!

i hate uneducated people.

o.
my.
god.

when someone says "recycling's a waste of time", you should hit them hard till they fly across the room. RECYLCING's NOT A FUDGIN WASTE OF TIME YOU DUMBASS. it's people like me and my studious peers who are working our asses off, trying to learn to save the world from people like you, who say recycling's a waste of time!!! use your effin heads huh???????? you, who know nothing about how difficult it is to clean up this fudgin ugly mess on earth, have the audacity to say recycling's a waste of time? T_T shame on you.

and to you people, who still loooooooove to question the actions of other people, go fudge yourselves. spray yourself in whip cream or something, or even better use your expired brain for once, instead of wasting my time asking me why why why. i don't have to explain my actions to you. you don't have to know. you really want to know? use your brain first, then ask me. ask me nicely, and maybe i'll just share my thoughts with you. and for effin sakes, i was sick last weekend, i didn't ask to be sick, i didn't ask for all my efforts into making a presentation go to waste, i did what was best for the team, no one in the bloody hell ever acknowledged it, and i sure as hell dont have to apologise for being sick. so fudge off.

ive had a damnable monday and i still have phenol lingering on my fingers. ive got tests these next two weeks, and bloody revision n cramming to do the next 2 months. on top o all that, ive gotta keep the people around me happy and clean my own environment. nevermind the dumbasses i meet every now and then to spoil my days. soooooo, excuse my pms huh???

starry clouds

Do you believe in what you think?

A faker with sweet aura

Simple thoughts for simple minds

Shallow thoughts for idiots

I'm aware of everything around me

Mind away from body

I can feel the line that bars me from people

A brick wall is more like it

I don't really mind

Few people have managed to burrow through to me

I wonder what makes them tick

Almost like me?

Nothing like me?

It is interesting.

I'm lost in my own thoughts.

My magic kingdom floats around shimmering

every so slightly

Sometimes I see it, sometimes I don't

Trains come and go through that station

Over the bridge, into the real world

It takes a lot to get through to me

Much more to break me

I wonder what made me so.

Not invincible, but close.

I like my solitude in here.

I like my peace up here.

You Figure It Out

While Shitting...

Somebody trapped Eternity in a tube;

No wonder we're all doomed.

They say one cleaner cleans all,

But all they did was dirty my walls.

I scrub, I rub, I do my stuff,

But nothing short of white magic is ever enough.

White out! White out! White out! they say

They want to hide their persons away.

Double U double U had pearly fake teeth

Movies lie. They're twisted, can't you see?

I twitch, I scratch, I shift here and there

Anxiety loomes over hope and despair.

He fished for stars while he was looking down

Roads take us to places where we won't be foud.

He clicked and shot up for everyone to see

So we know exactly where to find he,

Who dwells in the hollow, waiting in silence

Writing these thoughts, legs numbing to lameness.

XD

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versatile

yeah. thats what i am. im versatile.

vincent in school, you dont seem interested in guys le
nana im versatile
nana i talk to everyone
vincent i mean like slesh and viv are regular guy killers
nana wat u meeeeaaannn im not interested in guys ah?
vincent your just like..... i'm not interested in guys attitude
nana lol
nana yes, i suppose people have misunderstood me to be a lesbian
nana harharhar
vincent dont tell me you dont like any guy b4???
nana of course ive liked guys before
nana of course i still like guys
vincent ya la
nana im normal dude, i like guys
nana lol
vincent is that with an s??
nana its just that i get along with guys well, thats y i have male buddies
vincent guy or guys??
nana sigh
nana u want another blow to ur head or what
nana lol
vincent haha

= ="

its a blessed curse. i can get along with members of both sexes pretty well. maybe it's because of my poker face or something that makes people assume im homosexual. weird. its a pretty interesting thuoght, this topic.

ive asked my male buddies before, "am i so tomboy-ish? manly? without feminine features????"

its always the same reply: you're easy to talk to. you can talk about everything and anything. you're versatile. it's comfortable to talk about these thigns with you.

the funniest ive heard was when i told eric about a flight attendant who had mistaken me for a guy and then he said "DUDE?!?!!? the stewardess mustve been blind!!!!!" XD that cheered me up immensely.

i dunno. its just a lonely feeling. i dont appeal to males on the physical level. i intimidate males on the intellectual level. males treat me as one of the guys. girls see me indifferently. o man. yes im very honoured in people's trust in me, and i value that people are so comfortable around me that ive got buddies all around me. i just, dunno what my features are. its all so bland, nothing outstanding. well i dont want outstanding, but at least something appealing.

= =" bummer. i always do this to myself. finding faults.

maybe i should consider being a psychiatrist. lol. people dont seem to mind telling me all their stories.might as well make money out of it. harharhar.

i still need to think of where to go next year. what to do. what to get. this constant 'migraine' surfaces at the oddest times. i find myself imagining strolling in campus of some uni. not knowing where or what. shiatz.

ive watched jarhead and the chumscrubber. both awesome movies. on the intellectual level. i still get irritated when gung-ho movie goers dont appreciate these kind of films. *shallow shallow shallow* i hate it.

mmm. im feeling too bland for anyone's liking at the moment. im not good company. i wonder if i tend to push people away unconsciously. o well. im fine with my solitude.

dude, dude

ahhhh life's getting better. there's motivation, suspense and excitement.

pink person just had to bug me when i slept. nothing's more annoying than someone bugging you to wake up when u don't want to. i mean like, reallyreallyreally bugging you. i'll have my revenge, pinker. i'll have my revenge. muahuahuahuahuahua.

school's getting better. i have people to talk to, people to observe/watch, and people to not notice. wahahaha. i don't mean for it to sound so arrogant, but yeah, that's as simple as i can get. im' paying more attention in class because i want to. its weird, cos thats never happened last year. hmmm. growing up, growing up. feels good to actually fell like im learning something, instead o just blowing it over. last year is one year i wont forget. huhuhuhu. the learning years are always the worst.

books, shoes and clothes. im finding my style. i fit the boy clothes as usual, but i think my flair comes in the bangles n brooches. and grungy hair o course. ^^ im thinkin o going to the upcoming 'gala night' in march. but i dunno the reasons for going or not, yet. well thats one little thing to think about when im brooding.

i just realized ive become a more serious person. i thought i was serious, but now im like wayyyy down. wonder what happened. maybe its because im not a nonsense person. i know what i want and dont want. i dont tolerate people who dunno where they stand or what theyre standing up for. hmm. kudos for me. my mental age mustve skyrocketed to 45. pfft.

one of Geothe's couplets:
Whatever you can do or dream you can begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

i believe that. i do.

dismembered thoughts

funny. it never struck me that i look like a helpless, vulnerable person. there's been several occasions where people have shielded me and treated me in an odd protective way. i've never thought much about it, aside from the discomfort. tonight, i did, and hence blogged it out. =p

i mean, i guess i do have this vulnerable spot when it comes to social situations, but i just don't know what. i mean, even people i know for what, only 5 minutes tend to hold a big, mummy umbrella over me. what is with that? what is it about me that makes people do so? is it because of my wide-eyed innocence? or my excited kiddy gestures? or my tendency to pee in my pants when i'm scared? lol.

.......

i just don't effin get it!

what is it about me that makes people under estimate me?

*scratches head like monkey without fleas*

sigh. i've been in constant company for weeks now. it's an exhilarating change. i'm looking forward to the near future. muahuahua...i'm gna be my juniors' biggest fear. nahhh, i'm kidding. i don't bully. not publicly anyway. XD

it's funny. i still find it funny how i can blend in with people yet be so cast out. it's sad, huh. it's funny how people tend to forget to blog when they're happy, yet they blog like there's no tomorrow when they're down. it's true. cyberspace is one sad and angry storage space. sigh.

i just don't get it. i just don't get it. i want to belong ,yet not belong. what is my reprieve? where is it? who is my sanctuary's host? who are my companions, if not my comrads? who? what? where? when? so many questions. so many unanswered.

insecurity's my biggest challenge, i suppose. hmmm, my head's running amok with absurdities.

this is one sad, sad purple kingdom. my purple people are probably scratching their heads in wonder. or maybe they're just ditzes, smoking pot with their heads in the clouds. sigh.

who am i. what singles me out.

i am the only person with sight, in this strange land.

this is my story. these are my distorted rhymes.

everyone is blind, everyone but me
they touch, they smell
they savour, they think
but i can do faster and better 'cause i can see
yet i can't help, i notice
the impaired don't seem to mind
they don't have to worry about what they'll find
they don't know colour, not red, not green
they might not even know black, it seems
what goes on in their minds? what metaphors our sunlight?
do they even know what is sight?
if they see our world, so polluted, so sick
life is fading, burned down the candle wick
the sight of hungry, bony children
deserts and rubbish, in places of forests
the blood and deceased, the remnants of war
the legless, the armless, and the heartless dictators
if we could shut our eyes, block all this out
it must be better off to be blind
to not see, yet to know, appreciate what we have
yes the blind are fortunate, spared from life's wicked eye
being blind is not that bad after all
but i, with eyes, must suffer the actions of the seeing
in this blind land, yes, i will fall