today's another day
isnt it funny how you can still feel so alone even when you're surrounded by everyone who cares for you? aahhh, the wonders of life.
im in a pensive mood. i just cant get over some things which dont matter at all. plus i have a mountain of assignments to get done by saturday! eek!!! i didnt even procrastinate much this week and it all came to this. *smack on forehead* intelligent demons. huh.
well, today's as normal as it gets. i taught my sister some basic chachacha. she passed. *grin* considering ive seen worse, she's alright. on the right track. heheh. oh and ahem, it also takes a good teacher do get it right. wahahahahah.
i dunno. ive dropped a lot of activities which used to be fun for me. i used to go out a lot, do a lot of sports and outdoor activities. over the years, i lost interest in a lot of things. i used to be so full and excited about life. now, all i cant think of is ace-ing college so i can get into uni. sad, huh. this is what ive reduced to.
i get afraid of the littlest things. like calling the pizza hotline, or answering the door. ask me to get a napkin from the counter which is 5 metres away and see me cringe and make excuses.
its shyness, in medical terms.
some sort of inferiority complex, or a social habit. its not some childish hue ive brought with me to my teens. i just cant shake it off. i get anxiety attacks. doesnt look like it, but you'll never know the dread and panic until you feel like you cant breathe. believe me, ive tried doing the normal things, practising whenever i get the cahnce. but it hasnt gone away.
why am i explaining myself?
sigh. i just wish the little quirks in my life would vanish. or at least i had someone to get along with it. i used to hide in the toilet whenever there were guests in the house, so i wouldnt have to face them. sometimes i still do. i wish life was that easy too. like i could hide whenever i wanted to.
there are 2 people who are on my mind. not a good thing. they annoy the hell out of me. because i just cant figure them out. 1 person, hardly ever shows any emotion. the 2nd person, hardly ever shows, period. im trying to know you dammit. cant you see that?
oh no worries. the usual people who read my blog arent any of the 2. =)
sigh. who am i if it were not for school? what am i if it not were for books? what would i do if it were not for work or education?
coming back to what i was saying, i just dont get a thrill out of life anymore. ive tried so many things that can be tried here. i learned how to cycle, rollerblade, skate, swim, jump, run, climb, dance, play, perform, endure, flaunt, hide, lie, speak the truth, and breathe.
something's missing. and i dont know how to fix it. and i dont know what it is at all.
im in a pensive mood. i just cant get over some things which dont matter at all. plus i have a mountain of assignments to get done by saturday! eek!!! i didnt even procrastinate much this week and it all came to this. *smack on forehead* intelligent demons. huh.
well, today's as normal as it gets. i taught my sister some basic chachacha. she passed. *grin* considering ive seen worse, she's alright. on the right track. heheh. oh and ahem, it also takes a good teacher do get it right. wahahahahah.
i dunno. ive dropped a lot of activities which used to be fun for me. i used to go out a lot, do a lot of sports and outdoor activities. over the years, i lost interest in a lot of things. i used to be so full and excited about life. now, all i cant think of is ace-ing college so i can get into uni. sad, huh. this is what ive reduced to.
i get afraid of the littlest things. like calling the pizza hotline, or answering the door. ask me to get a napkin from the counter which is 5 metres away and see me cringe and make excuses.
its shyness, in medical terms.
some sort of inferiority complex, or a social habit. its not some childish hue ive brought with me to my teens. i just cant shake it off. i get anxiety attacks. doesnt look like it, but you'll never know the dread and panic until you feel like you cant breathe. believe me, ive tried doing the normal things, practising whenever i get the cahnce. but it hasnt gone away.
why am i explaining myself?
sigh. i just wish the little quirks in my life would vanish. or at least i had someone to get along with it. i used to hide in the toilet whenever there were guests in the house, so i wouldnt have to face them. sometimes i still do. i wish life was that easy too. like i could hide whenever i wanted to.
there are 2 people who are on my mind. not a good thing. they annoy the hell out of me. because i just cant figure them out. 1 person, hardly ever shows any emotion. the 2nd person, hardly ever shows, period. im trying to know you dammit. cant you see that?
oh no worries. the usual people who read my blog arent any of the 2. =)
sigh. who am i if it were not for school? what am i if it not were for books? what would i do if it were not for work or education?
coming back to what i was saying, i just dont get a thrill out of life anymore. ive tried so many things that can be tried here. i learned how to cycle, rollerblade, skate, swim, jump, run, climb, dance, play, perform, endure, flaunt, hide, lie, speak the truth, and breathe.
something's missing. and i dont know how to fix it. and i dont know what it is at all.
posted by updatedversion | 4:47 PM
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3 Comments:
I guess that is what everyone is trying to find.
The right direction.
I've been looking for it since as forever. You'll never fully understand those thoughts and feelings that come with it. It'll become a norm in time.
The irony of emotional side of us versus the physical environment that we are in. Sometimes all the less connected they are. *Some yoda wisdom there*
you are correct, i hope. believe i will take up yoda-ism again, i will.
pfft. uve gotta look for some other unisexual nick, dude. seriously.
in anycase, take care huh. little dude's gna tackle some brainy stuff now.
Nah. I prefer being inconspicuous and less related to who I really am. Haha.
Kinda makes it all the more annoying for some ppl who want to know. Nevertheless, i feel like im going through insomnia too.
Can't sleep when I want to and doze off when I shouldn't. Well, a different type of insomnia. Hehe..
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