insomnia

insomnia flashed through my mind
restless body, alert brain
painstaking wakeful moments
blacked out periods of sleep
twist and turn fitfully
my despair
i need a drug induced sleep
what better than cough syrup
with a jolt, i'm in insomnia
awake throughout dark hours
many hours
aware of things that should be kept secret
counting sheep, one, two, three
praying for the medicine to work
it's almost dawn, dark dawn
too long for insomnia hours
still awake, alert
my despair
counting sheep, fifty, two hundred, a thousand
despair as i fear to be
an insomniac for the rest of my life

i wrote that poem some time last year. it took me from then till now to find the words:

too much time to think
too much time to brood
i dont mind the darkness
i embrace it
but the expanse of my thoughts is more than i can bear
my mind is depriving my body
my body is depriving my mind
there is no where to hide, if not in sleep
no place to dream
no place to hold off the real world
not one minute
that is what i fear