'tis the season

i fall back to being melancholy faster than i adjust to living in this place again.

exactly a year ago, at this time, i was having the time of my life somewhere out there. today, im just going to listen to sad music and nibble on my precious max brenner chocolate.

i dont know why i always do this to myself. perhaps its a way of self destruction.

i just calculated my mental age. it's 22.27. i dont know what to say or feel.

i long for city lights. they calm my buzzing state of mind.

i've put Collide on repeat. its been playing for hours. im still stuck. i feel the need to play it out on the guitar. but my strings are broken. as poetic as that sounds, its dead depressing true.

i think i need a holiday from this holiday, to get back into the old routine. here, people feel like they have a purpose. like, they're needed. here, i feel stagnated. im really praying next year will breeze through with good results. damn this money minded world.

one year.

merry xmas, santa babies.