the purple throne

I'm moving...

2006-03-31T00:20:00.000+08:00

...to froufrougirls.blogspot.com !!!!! hahahaha.

Yeah well. This'll be the last post on this blog. Sad huh. Actually if I posted 3 more times, I'll make it to the 100th post. Tempting.

But then, I don't see the point.

froufrougirls is a shared blog with my sister! ^^ Its gna be interesting. haha. Maybe she'll be motivated to post more now. pffft. *innocent look*

Well, I'll see you guys there. =)

the endorphins don't suck either

2006-03-28T20:28:00.000+08:00

I completed a 3.4km run in 45min!!!! After a week's break at that! ^^ whee~

Hmm, there's nothing much going on really. Friends come and go. Some are always there, you've just got to pick up the threads. Some were never there at all. Mostly, they just come across your path every once in a while. Its alright really. I'm happy. muahuahua. jogging is good for yer mood. pffffftttt.

Well I borrowed some of Dora's drawings (which are awesome @@) and scanned them. You can head over to my deviantart's homepage to check them out. I think I'm gna help her set up an account over there. She'll be good @@. Like weally weally weally good. From pen and paper to pure art. *respect duuuuude*

Which reminds me I'm behind in my picture taking. = =" blehhh.

Hmmm...I've got my May timetable for the AS exams. ick. Time to grind.

this week. next week.

2006-03-26T21:54:00.000+08:00

dum dum dummmm....

well, this week has been not so very interesting. stay at home, study (for awhile anyway), waste time on internet, jog, eat, sleep like theres no tomorow. yyeaaaahhh....college life's fun.

school's gna start tmrw. boohooo. i havent actually finished my gp work; debate research, health n med mindmaps, what more R&D readings. maths oso got some few frustrating questions i can't solve. physics...nevermind physics. didnt touch chem or bio. so im screwed. lol. i think May n June is gna be tooootally stressful time for many o us. mmmm very dumb prediction but yeah. i like bringing good news.

on the other hand, im gna be moving my blog's site again!

haha. not yet, but i'll let u all know when n where. =)

im not lookin forward to the coming months. its gna get worse. either i wont catch up in school and ace my exams, or i'll catch up in school, ace the exams and pass out after that. harhar. for me, ace means B. lol. well at least i hope i'll get it. sigh. this is not good for my brain. i dunno how in the world im gna get teh As and Bs im expected to get. = ="

new songs! new movies! not that i'll have the time to watch them, but anyhooo. da vinci code comin out. proof. superman. HAHA. i dunno. im babbling actually. a bit high. too much sugar. lol. its been quite some time since i had a sugar rush.

ooo right now i can just imagine the nice long break after the A levels *dreamy look* ... can curse n throw tomatoes at JTB for no reason, can sleep for 13 hours a day, everyday, can drive!!!!!, can plan my uni life. lol. thats gna be a hard one. zzzzzz....well... till then, i'll stick to cursing the old gray men at Cambridge. sigh.

i still havent found stuff to take pictures of for deviantart. darn. = =" *tidaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkk*

ummmm i guess aside from that, nothing much. next week, busy week. no sleep week. grumpy week. shrieking-at-teachers week.

lol. i wish.

i've got mail...

2006-03-23T16:32:00.000+08:00

TWO TRUE STORIES ABOUT RACISM

1) I'm sure many of you watched the recent taping of the Oprah Winfrey Show where her guest was Tommy Hilfiger. On the show, she asked him if the statements about race he was accused of saying were true.

Statements like: "If I'd known African-Americans, Hispanics, Jewish and Asians would buy my clothes, I WOULD NOT have made them so nice. I wish these people would NOT buy my clothes, as they are made for upper class white people."

His answer to Oprah was a simple "YES".
Where after she immediately asked him to leave her show.

My suggestion? Don't buy your next shirt or perfume from Tommy Hilfiger. Let's give him what he asked for. Let's not buy his clothes, let's put him in a financial state where he himself will not be able to afford the ridiculous prices he puts on his clothes. BOYCOTT.

PLEASE SEND THIS MESSAGE TO ANYONE YOU KNOW. Then send it to the whole community that's not white people and see the result. We have to see the result of unity.

Let's find out if Non-whites really play such a small part in the world. Stop buying any range of their product, perfume, cosmetics, clothes, bags, etc.

2) Scene took place on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg and London.

A White woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man.
Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess. "Madam, what is
the matter," the hostess asked. "You obviously do not see it then?" she
responded. "You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to
someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."
"Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight is taken.

I will go to see if another place is available." The Hostess went
away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, Just as I thought,
there are no other available seats in the economy class. I spoke to the
captain and he informed me that there is a seat in the business class.
All the same, we still have one place in the first class."

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued: "It is not usual for our
company to permit someone from the economy class to sit in the first class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting." She turned to the black guy, and said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in first class." At that moment, the other passengers who were shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.

Both the above are true stories. If You are against racism, please send this message to all your friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think I did better by posting it out in the big wide web. ^^

this is a photoblog.

2006-03-22T18:43:00.000+08:00

I cooked!

2006-03-20T22:23:00.000+08:00

I cooked dinner! Wahahaha. Its called "ayam mutiara" (pearl chicken). Don't ask me why. I call it marinated chicken with lotsa big onions. Harharhar. ^^ It tastes good, and everyone's healthy. Whee~.

Well, I finally installed Photoshop, so I'm back to my deviating ways. I think I lost my creative side though because I can't think of a thing to do with all the raw pictures that I have. = =" Ahhh rusty rusty rusty.

At the moment, I'm munching on Cheetos Puffs. Dangerously cheesy. Mmmm... *showing orange fangs*

Nothing much interesting happened. I've taken up jogging. My latest feat is 2.4km. Surprised the hell outta me too. Its weird because I don't feel tired when I'm jogging, but right after I stop jogging, which is when I'm walking, I get all breathless and dizzy. I see stars. Lol. O well, a new phenomenon to look forward to, seeing if I'll pass out everytime after I jog more than 2km. Wahahaha. If I'm lucky maybe the soles of my shoes will drop off too.

So anyhoo, I'll update more once my mind gets into gear again. Tataaa~.

Hmm...that's so not me. Later dudes. Pfft.

stick between spokes

2006-03-16T19:38:00.000+08:00

this week has been totally f*cked up for me. and according to my logical brain, its going to get worse. so, i apologise for the crude words and the no-posting. stuff happened, i just haven't gotten round to typing them out yet. i'll do that soon. i'm also going to change the layout of everything. pinker pls lemme know if you still wana join in ya? in any case, im changing everything. if i have the time. lol. there's never enough of it.

i've got a ton of things to do, and i'm not good company. its "screw the world!" time. harharhar.

you know, sometimes i really wish that one day i'd wake up to find there was no one in the world but me. and maybe a fewwww people i'd like to have around. i hate all this people business. skirting round feelings and whodidwhatforwhatdumbreason/gossip. i don't freaking care if you want to get some guy's attention. i don't freaking care if you think the movie's boring. i don't freaking care if your bloody relatives can't control their feelings. i don't freaking care if you can't find your own sh*t that you lost.

i'm sick of having to keep people happy all the time you know? not when its at my own expense. well suuuuure i do it sometimes, when i can. but this, this is overdrive. and overdrive means payback time.

the quirks of technology

2006-03-12T21:33:00.000+08:00

my external 40gb hard drive is currently in the freezer because it died on me. i can't use it, i can't format it. i can't do a thing with it. *sob*

so, thanks to Syn and some research, i decided to give it a shot. pfft. in 30 min time, i'll find out if it worked or not. if it doesn't, i'm gna be dead meat when my mom finds out. really.

well. the wait begins.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..............

techie - hard drive resurrection says:
y wont it work with the casing?
` says:
er
` says:
it would.. but then risk having problems
techie - hard drive resurrection says:
oh
` says:
coz of the contraction of the drive
techie - hard drive resurrection says:
oh
` says:
who knows u cannot unscrew it anymore
` says:
or bent metal?
` says:
dunno
techie - hard drive resurrection says:
@@
` says:
haha
` says:
i've seen high end video cards bending due to dry ice cooling
techie - hard drive resurrection says:
ur killin me u know that

*sob*

wadodidooooo wadoidoooooooooooooo....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IT BLOODY WORKED!!!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT WORKED!

I was able to format my baby! XD

I took it out from the freezer right after Syn said all that. So, it was only in the freeze for 15min. I let it thaw, and it condensed on the outside. That made me panic because I had no clue what was happening inside. XD I don't have any screwdrivers small enough to unscrew the screws. wahahah. unscrew the screws.

Anyway, so yeah I put the whole thing in the freezer, casing and all. I took it out. It condensed. I thawed. I plugged it in and it formatted!!!!!! XD

*heart whoever came up with this freezing idea*

hahahahahha.....mummy won't have to know ^^

Do you read?

2006-03-10T22:34:00.000+08:00

I was wondering why do our nails grow? I mean I know our body's biologically programmed to grow our nails, but for what purpose? We don't do anything with them aside from chewing on them or painting them or scratching annoying people. Nothing important really. Then I thought, if I was back in the no-clothes age, roaming jungles and deserts, my nails would definitely be a tool. Think about it, we wouldn't have any knives or something sharp to ply a coconut open. Ok, maybe not a coconut but something softer laaa. Our nails would so definitely be abraded from all that friction. That's why there's growth huh? To sustain our sharp keratins. =p So like, since we're wayyyy past that nail biting age, won't we lose our nails one day, in the process of evolution? Nailless fingers in year 5000. o.O interesting huh?

Yeah my mind wandered. I've been living in my thoughts the past few days. I get so annoyed easily. I think I hurt people with words too. Can't seem to stop and think before I speak. Tsk. But then, I like to think that if friendship is strong, then its going to last in spite of verbal abuse and other little stuff long-term friends are meant to get over.

I'm binging on food too. I don't know whats wrong with me. So emo eater.

Getting back with all the Angela girls is great. I haven't had so much fun in 3 years. But I know it won't last, when everyone starts to find their ways again. I guess it would be just a nice phase in this year of college.

You know, I don't really like people who don't read. It just shows in their personality. Books are everything you can ever dream of. Hell, I've even found things I can't begin to dream of, but its there. Diana Wynne Jones makes my brain spin in the skull, but I love it because nothing can pry me out of this world better than her. JK Rowling made me almost believe wingardium leviosa would make my physics teacher defy the laws of gravity. *snicker* Dan Brown made me go woah! so many freakin' times. Imagination is everything that makes life today worth living.

And people who don't read are the dullest persons I have ever met, in my opinion. Really. What else is there to talk about if not the philosophies of some fictional character, or the mysterious goals of some famous inventor? Or the most dysfunctional non-existent character you can ever think of?

The television won't ever be up in rank with books in terms of life. That bundle of papers in your hand will be everything your brain & heart needs to quench curiousity. Imagination is everything. You just get what you see on tv, that's why you can get drunk after watching the tube for hours. You don't exercise those impulses in your pink mush. There's no stimulation.

Its like mass brainwashing. The television I mean.

With books, there is no limit.

Really. If you've met people who have read books, and people who never read or don't like it, you can pretty much tell the difference between the two groups. For example, interests. A bookie would have so many interesting things to say and much more ambitions to share. A non-bookie would only talk about people, events and everything else to do with current affairs. And, no purpose in life at all.

Well, if I'm wrong, come out and show me then. I will apologise for my statements. Maybe I just haven't met interesting people who don't read. But til then, I'm sticking with this theory.

topsy turvy here

2006-03-05T22:36:00.000+08:00

I've found something new to listen to! Fiona Apple. yum yum. I like her first release from her new album - Not About Love. i just love the way she handles the piano, and the jazzy ornaments she put in. @@ i've been getting bored of everything I have. yep, all 29.1gb of it. lol. my hard drive's full now. it took me what, 2 to 3 years to fill up all 4ogb of it? hmmm, thats not bad. harharhar.

hmm, i dunno, but some people, just really tick me off. its easy to wish i can just walk away and ignore them right? but then there's this thing called "fate" that the course of my life must come across theirs oh just every other day. so if i simply plug my ears when they're around, i'll be labelled uncaring. and if i do try to pay attention to them, i end up blowing up and just making whatever relationship it is that we have a fraction more worse. my long winded sentences must be a strain on your brain. sigh.

sometimes my mouth just runs away from me. and only minutes later do i realize i must've hurt someone's feelings. but i can't ever be sure because my own feelings are so dull, and all i can perceive from someone else's is their body language. not a reliable radar, because i tend to wander around in my mind when i start talking. weird. i don't blame anyone for calling me distant. i know it myself. ahhh life's mysteries.

so, coming back to the point, what does one do in such circumstances? take extra emo-painkillers so i don't blow up? anger management? try to reason out with them? in any case, it'll still end up bad no matter what i do or don't do.

*sighs and folds arms*

i don't know why horrible personalities just freak me out. really, they do. i usually have this strong urge to reason out with them and change their minds by sheer persistence. and yeah, usually i feel drained and not satisfied at all. horrible vegetables.

i've got a few agendas to take care of this week. that includes shifting Cory out to the main phone line (if i decide to share it with the world), finding space for all my clothes (they obviously don't fit into that tiny wooden box you call a closet), controlling my junk intake OR exercising more, aaaaaaand compose rhymes on the quirks of college freshmen + seniority. ^^

fiona apple good. i loike.

to pinkerton: the 10th X Queen is grumpy and claims that you're spending too much time romancing Renzardo and forgetting to send the messenger back to the tropics.

and yes, i like confoosing people. i mean, i like to confoose people. it's a hobby, ya? a very creative one. well, if i had a choice, i wouldn't have given up my 'scaring people' one, but i ran out of easy-to-scare people. sad, huh.

stewdent hours

2006-03-03T21:55:00.000+08:00

I got this in the mail:

It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365 days.

Typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays - 52 Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays - 50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep - 130 days GONE..
Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days.
Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing) -means 30 days. Days left 96.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal) - means 15 days
Days left 81.
7. Exam days - per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays) - 40 days.
Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness - at least 3 days.
Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days.
1 day left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on that day????!!!!
Balance = 0

"How can a student pass ?????"

wewheww

2006-02-27T20:53:00.000+08:00

helloerr and gooood morting =p

i've been watching oprah and it cracks me up. i'm beginning to find the joys of having astro. its taking its toll on my butt though. i think it melted it off. sssssssssmokin. well school's out in 3 weeks time, and lotsa things are gna be happening in between that time. letsee, to name a few:

i'll be getting my test results back. so far i got Bs for math and bio. not so good, but not too bad either. gna start workin on my june exams now.
junior intake starts on the 1st!!! muahuahuahuah. i dunno, did i repeat that in the previous posts? anyhoo, i'm just really really curious. were we like that when we just came in? all fresh and naive? lol. its gna be hilarious lookin at ourselves a year back. i tell ya, biiig difference now.
oooooo my aunts and grandma are comin from canada!!! wahahahaha. they'll arrive just at the start o the hols. its gna be interesting, finding time to babysit, hang out and study. lolzzzz. its gna be a helluva noisy house then i tell ya.
my friends are all turnin 18 without me =( i got promised they're gna drag me outta the house once they get their licenses. i dunno if thats a good thing or a bad thing. wahahahahha. u people sound too evil for my liking. XD
shifting and deviating again. gna re-do my blog template and start deviating again once i've managed to plan everything well. havent been deviating for a few weeks now. eck. the white and pink look is boooring me out. need something snazzy, liven it up. any ideas hmm?

i guess those are the main events. aside from thaaaaaat, everything's routine.

my chem teacher cracked several jokes this afternoon. so farney. hoo man. he's actually getting funnier! lol. someone's been getting some... wahahahahahahahahhahaahahhahaahha *roflmao* no lah no lah. sick joke. uhm, yeah well. school's fine. im enjoying it like i used to do back in st angela's . hmmmm brings back funny memories. i wonder how the teachers are doing. =p gosh, im getting sentimental. tsk tsk.

peace out. XD

summa summa summaaaaaahhhhh

2006-02-26T22:44:00.000+08:00

= =" how did pornpgraphic obscenities end up in my comments?

well im washed out. i had 4 tests on saturday, came close to a nervous breakdown, had a sushi dinner w friends, and mushed up my pink brain in front o the tube. coo coo.

im anticipating something. hmmm, dunno what but it'll come to me. wahahha. i don't make sense. seems like i rarely do these days. all i know is that the hols are comin!!! yay. means more time to catch up revision. how sad is that. =p

the summer daze is so totally here.

intellectual satisfaction

2006-02-21T22:18:00.000+08:00

i like that. that's the term i've been looking for all these years. thanks to char's post on a french wacko professor, i think my IQ level has just fluctuated cos i was laughing inwards so hard. *tear* seriously, that is one o the dumbest, arrogant & syok-sendiri persons ive ever heard of in my life. hooboy.

ive got tests this week. and next week. and ive got tons o revision to do the weeks after that. sigh. time of my life. yep yep. its just sad how the lives of bruneian teens revolve around school. sigh.

yep well i can complain n bitch about how my day wasnt perfect. muahuahuahuahuahuah. but i wont. i seem to be sleeping a lot though. weird. anyhooo, random thoughts.

i think i have a tummy.

XD

my stack o clean but wrinkled clothes is turning into a mountain. so i have to wade my way through clothes in the morn, so im generally late for school in the morns.lolz.

ok, blogging time not working out too well. *hysterical giggle* i hope i pass my phy test tmrw.

things i can't stand

2006-02-20T17:04:00.000+08:00

i can't stand shallow mindedness. i can't, i can't. i drives me nuts when i hear people talk about how pretty this person looks and they'll get through life fine because of their looks. i can't stand it when people go oooohhh he's so big and fat, i'm so scared of him. i can't stand labels and stereotypes because they're so motherfudgin shallow. i can't stand it when people go wahhhh, i don't wana go if you don't go just for the sake of peer company. just so duckin pointless!!!!! what's your point of living if you're going to live by society's rules and etiquette???? bloody hell, i hate followers. i can excuse followers who are unable to think on their own, but followers who are actually capable of adding 1 and 1 to 2, now that just damnright pisses me off. get a life. get some balls and do things your own way. i fell like smackin their faces when people are reduced to walking around in crowds, and so afraid of being 'alone' or 'friendless'. GET A FUDGIN LIFE DAMMIT!

i hate uneducated people.

o.
my.
god.

when someone says "recycling's a waste of time", you should hit them hard till they fly across the room. RECYLCING's NOT A FUDGIN WASTE OF TIME YOU DUMBASS. it's people like me and my studious peers who are working our asses off, trying to learn to save the world from people like you, who say recycling's a waste of time!!! use your effin heads huh???????? you, who know nothing about how difficult it is to clean up this fudgin ugly mess on earth, have the audacity to say recycling's a waste of time? T_T shame on you.

and to you people, who still loooooooove to question the actions of other people, go fudge yourselves. spray yourself in whip cream or something, or even better use your expired brain for once, instead of wasting my time asking me why why why. i don't have to explain my actions to you. you don't have to know. you really want to know? use your brain first, then ask me. ask me nicely, and maybe i'll just share my thoughts with you. and for effin sakes, i was sick last weekend, i didn't ask to be sick, i didn't ask for all my efforts into making a presentation go to waste, i did what was best for the team, no one in the bloody hell ever acknowledged it, and i sure as hell dont have to apologise for being sick. so fudge off.

ive had a damnable monday and i still have phenol lingering on my fingers. ive got tests these next two weeks, and bloody revision n cramming to do the next 2 months. on top o all that, ive gotta keep the people around me happy and clean my own environment. nevermind the dumbasses i meet every now and then to spoil my days. soooooo, excuse my pms huh???

starry clouds

2006-02-15T14:56:00.000+08:00

Do you believe in what you think?

A faker with sweet aura

Simple thoughts for simple minds

Shallow thoughts for idiots

I'm aware of everything around me

Mind away from body

I can feel the line that bars me from people

A brick wall is more like it

I don't really mind

Few people have managed to burrow through to me

I wonder what makes them tick

Almost like me?

Nothing like me?

It is interesting.

I'm lost in my own thoughts.

My magic kingdom floats around shimmering

every so slightly

Sometimes I see it, sometimes I don't

Trains come and go through that station

Over the bridge, into the real world

It takes a lot to get through to me

Much more to break me

I wonder what made me so.

Not invincible, but close.

I like my solitude in here.

I like my peace up here.

You Figure It Out

2006-02-10T21:26:00.000+08:00

While Shitting...

Somebody trapped Eternity in a tube;

No wonder we're all doomed.

They say one cleaner cleans all,

But all they did was dirty my walls.

I scrub, I rub, I do my stuff,

But nothing short of white magic is ever enough.

White out! White out! White out! they say

They want to hide their persons away.

Double U double U had pearly fake teeth

Movies lie. They're twisted, can't you see?

I twitch, I scratch, I shift here and there

Anxiety loomes over hope and despair.

He fished for stars while he was looking down

Roads take us to places where we won't be foud.

He clicked and shot up for everyone to see

So we know exactly where to find he,

Who dwells in the hollow, waiting in silence

Writing these thoughts, legs numbing to lameness.

XD

2006-02-10T21:16:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA. check out the scoop on farts: fiction, science and art. XD

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

versatile

2006-02-09T23:27:00.000+08:00

yeah. thats what i am. im versatile.

vincent in school, you dont seem interested in guys le
nana im versatile
nana i talk to everyone
vincent i mean like slesh and viv are regular guy killers
nana wat u meeeeaaannn im not interested in guys ah?
vincent your just like..... i'm not interested in guys attitude
nana lol
nana yes, i suppose people have misunderstood me to be a lesbian
nana harharhar
vincent dont tell me you dont like any guy b4???
nana of course ive liked guys before
nana of course i still like guys
vincent ya la
nana im normal dude, i like guys
nana lol
vincent is that with an s??
nana its just that i get along with guys well, thats y i have male buddies
vincent guy or guys??
nana sigh
nana u want another blow to ur head or what
nana lol
vincent haha

= ="

its a blessed curse. i can get along with members of both sexes pretty well. maybe it's because of my poker face or something that makes people assume im homosexual. weird. its a pretty interesting thuoght, this topic.

ive asked my male buddies before, "am i so tomboy-ish? manly? without feminine features????"

its always the same reply: you're easy to talk to. you can talk about everything and anything. you're versatile. it's comfortable to talk about these thigns with you.

the funniest ive heard was when i told eric about a flight attendant who had mistaken me for a guy and then he said "DUDE?!?!!? the stewardess mustve been blind!!!!!" XD that cheered me up immensely.

i dunno. its just a lonely feeling. i dont appeal to males on the physical level. i intimidate males on the intellectual level. males treat me as one of the guys. girls see me indifferently. o man. yes im very honoured in people's trust in me, and i value that people are so comfortable around me that ive got buddies all around me. i just, dunno what my features are. its all so bland, nothing outstanding. well i dont want outstanding, but at least something appealing.

= =" bummer. i always do this to myself. finding faults.

maybe i should consider being a psychiatrist. lol. people dont seem to mind telling me all their stories.might as well make money out of it. harharhar.

i still need to think of where to go next year. what to do. what to get. this constant 'migraine' surfaces at the oddest times. i find myself imagining strolling in campus of some uni. not knowing where or what. shiatz.

ive watched jarhead and the chumscrubber. both awesome movies. on the intellectual level. i still get irritated when gung-ho movie goers dont appreciate these kind of films. *shallow shallow shallow* i hate it.

mmm. im feeling too bland for anyone's liking at the moment. im not good company. i wonder if i tend to push people away unconsciously. o well. im fine with my solitude.

dude, dude

2006-02-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

ahhhh life's getting better. there's motivation, suspense and excitement.

pink person just had to bug me when i slept. nothing's more annoying than someone bugging you to wake up when u don't want to. i mean like, reallyreallyreally bugging you. i'll have my revenge, pinker. i'll have my revenge. muahuahuahuahuahua.

school's getting better. i have people to talk to, people to observe/watch, and people to not notice. wahahaha. i don't mean for it to sound so arrogant, but yeah, that's as simple as i can get. im' paying more attention in class because i want to. its weird, cos thats never happened last year. hmmm. growing up, growing up. feels good to actually fell like im learning something, instead o just blowing it over. last year is one year i wont forget. huhuhuhu. the learning years are always the worst.

books, shoes and clothes. im finding my style. i fit the boy clothes as usual, but i think my flair comes in the bangles n brooches. and grungy hair o course. ^^ im thinkin o going to the upcoming 'gala night' in march. but i dunno the reasons for going or not, yet. well thats one little thing to think about when im brooding.

i just realized ive become a more serious person. i thought i was serious, but now im like wayyyy down. wonder what happened. maybe its because im not a nonsense person. i know what i want and dont want. i dont tolerate people who dunno where they stand or what theyre standing up for. hmm. kudos for me. my mental age mustve skyrocketed to 45. pfft.

one of Geothe's couplets:
Whatever you can do or dream you can begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

i believe that. i do.

dismembered thoughts

2006-02-03T21:45:00.000+08:00

funny. it never struck me that i look like a helpless, vulnerable person. there's been several occasions where people have shielded me and treated me in an odd protective way. i've never thought much about it, aside from the discomfort. tonight, i did, and hence blogged it out. =p

i mean, i guess i do have this vulnerable spot when it comes to social situations, but i just don't know what. i mean, even people i know for what, only 5 minutes tend to hold a big, mummy umbrella over me. what is with that? what is it about me that makes people do so? is it because of my wide-eyed innocence? or my excited kiddy gestures? or my tendency to pee in my pants when i'm scared? lol.

.......

i just don't effin get it!

what is it about me that makes people under estimate me?

*scratches head like monkey without fleas*

sigh. i've been in constant company for weeks now. it's an exhilarating change. i'm looking forward to the near future. muahuahua...i'm gna be my juniors' biggest fear. nahhh, i'm kidding. i don't bully. not publicly anyway. XD

it's funny. i still find it funny how i can blend in with people yet be so cast out. it's sad, huh. it's funny how people tend to forget to blog when they're happy, yet they blog like there's no tomorrow when they're down. it's true. cyberspace is one sad and angry storage space. sigh.

i just don't get it. i just don't get it. i want to belong ,yet not belong. what is my reprieve? where is it? who is my sanctuary's host? who are my companions, if not my comrads? who? what? where? when? so many questions. so many unanswered.

insecurity's my biggest challenge, i suppose. hmmm, my head's running amok with absurdities.

this is one sad, sad purple kingdom. my purple people are probably scratching their heads in wonder. or maybe they're just ditzes, smoking pot with their heads in the clouds. sigh.

who am i. what singles me out.

i am the only person with sight, in this strange land.

2006-02-01T23:12:00.000+08:00

this is my story. these are my distorted rhymes.

everyone is blind, everyone but me
they touch, they smell
they savour, they think
but i can do faster and better 'cause i can see
yet i can't help, i notice
the impaired don't seem to mind
they don't have to worry about what they'll find
they don't know colour, not red, not green
they might not even know black, it seems
what goes on in their minds? what metaphors our sunlight?
do they even know what is sight?
if they see our world, so polluted, so sick
life is fading, burned down the candle wick
the sight of hungry, bony children
deserts and rubbish, in places of forests
the blood and deceased, the remnants of war
the legless, the armless, and the heartless dictators
if we could shut our eyes, block all this out
it must be better off to be blind
to not see, yet to know, appreciate what we have
yes the blind are fortunate, spared from life's wicked eye
being blind is not that bad after all
but i, with eyes, must suffer the actions of the seeing
in this blind land, yes, i will fall

gweeeenddaaaayyy

2006-01-27T18:32:00.000+08:00

im still idolizing greenday. they're aaawwwwwwsssuuummmmm. smackin fabulistic. Bullet in a Bible is the best album to sweat it out, if you excuse my crudeness. sigh. im still not over the fact i missed their concert last year. by thiiiiiiisss muuuch. *tiny space between thumb n forefinger*

ive been thinking about the hours i spend in school and at home, sitting on my butt. its quite a lot really. im in school from 7.30 till 2 usually, and yeah i sit for almost 6 hours 5 times a week. then when i get home, i have to do all the schoolwork, which takes about 2 to 3 hours, excluding zoning out time, which is 1 or 2 hours. so in a normal day, i spend about 10 waking hours flattening my buttcheeks for the sake of education?!?!?!!??!?! OUTRAGEOUS!!! but sadly, its true =(

*sob*

evil evil evil twist of fate of life of motherlovinnature. hmph.

sigh. yeah, my zoning out time is up. i need about an hour's worth of work later to finish up what i started today. huhuhuhu... where's my reprieve? *wail*

blardy fudge!!!

2006-01-27T10:05:00.000+08:00

exasperation, frustration, distress, annoyance, mafanness and qingwodepiguness.

the AS results have been rumoured to come out tomorrow, and the day after, and the next tomorrow, and always tomorrow. tuh. perrrthetic. i just wana get it done and over with, so that i dont have to listen to people talk about oooooo if i dont get this results im gna sit for it again, or might as well take it in november, on the other hand maybe i should just take it, or i could take some other paper instead. OH WHAT THE BLARDY FOOT ENOUGH ALREADY. i hate it when people talk about something they cant control, over and over and over again. as if they crave attention. well maybe they are. ugh. i truly despise repetitions.

so, yeah. exams n results. pfft.

i think my dry/neglected lips have taken its toll on me. there's been this numb swelling on my upper lip for a few days now. initial thoughts got me washing my blankets n whatnot. medical expertise got me 3 prescriptions. = =" one to reduce the numbness, one to moisturise the lips, one to reduce the swelling. hopefully. haiyoooo.... blardy lips. i doubt anyone ever has a medical history as unique as mine. pfft. i wont begin to list them down here. it freaked me out as it is.

shiatz. i just had to run out into the rain to save the laundry. arrrggghhhhhh!!!!

well yea. so. the pharmacist likes my newly acquired sexy lips. im dreading tomorrow's schoolwork. my newly washed blankets are naturally washed by motherlovinnature. my teacher is expecting the best from us cos we're her last batch before she retires. oh and i still have loads of revision to do amidst all the hustle n bustle of chinese new year. wheee~

It's a Dog Do Year. pfft.

Empty

2006-01-23T16:04:00.000+08:00

...

I've nothing much to say really. My thoughts aren't unorganized, my feelings aren't jumbled up, my sanity's pretty much on the correct thread. Oh, but I still have hunger pangs. *grin* Martabak, satay, chicken burger, chips, coke, mango cake!

Oh gawsh, I just love torturing my soul with food. lol.

Till the next brainwave comes, take care, dear readers.

hmph

2006-01-21T13:33:00.000+08:00

im having a bad day T_T
i hate weekends.
im too angry to care.
i dont trust myself to speak.
its not about people.
i just hate everything about today.
screw it.
its a good thing noone's home.
blast it all to hell and back.
sad songs are for cowards and pathetic people.
if you cant face the music,
then go the bloody hell away.

summer days are coming

2006-01-17T15:55:00.000+08:00

i love the sun. if i hadn't known better i would've worshipped the sun. it's sooooo waaarrrmm. pfft. ok enough crap.

totally busy weeks. so. much. bloody. homework. i wonder what's wrong with the teachers. sigh. it's the ultimate sacrifice. sleep, or good grades. = =" what in the world. uit's these kind of decisions which have the ultimate effect on the outcome. arrgghh... the AS results are comin out in about 1 or 2 weeks time.... !!!!!!!!!! well truth be told im not ecstatic or even nervous about it. i just want to know what i got, so i can fill in the next exam form. pfft. really. exams have no more effect on my nerves. people, on the other hand... gawsh.

i wana capo, and a school locker, and a room stuffed with junkfood, a room stuffed with novels, a cleaned version of my bedroom, a robot to finish my homework for me and lotsa lotsa free time on my hands. SIGH.

i'm just complaining on everyday life stuff. cos i have nothing else to talk about. the teachers have made sure we students have no life outside school. curses.

more poems then. ^^

i'm orange and i'm bored
someone's talking, truth be told
rather them than me i think
thoughts in my head can not link
thus the randomness in me
splays out wide for all to see
pick my brains, stew my thoughts
come out soggy, you retort
i don't care, it was your choice
at least i let you your voice

hmm...i guess i didn't finish it. couldnt and cant think of anything to continue the next few phrases. hmmm...next time then. maybe.

insomnia

2006-01-14T23:54:00.000+08:00

insomnia flashed through my mind
restless body, alert brain
painstaking wakeful moments
blacked out periods of sleep
twist and turn fitfully
my despair
i need a drug induced sleep
what better than cough syrup
with a jolt, i'm in insomnia
awake throughout dark hours
many hours
aware of things that should be kept secret
counting sheep, one, two, three
praying for the medicine to work
it's almost dawn, dark dawn
too long for insomnia hours
still awake, alert
my despair
counting sheep, fifty, two hundred, a thousand
despair as i fear to be
an insomniac for the rest of my life

i wrote that poem some time last year. it took me from then till now to find the words:

too much time to think
too much time to brood
i dont mind the darkness
i embrace it
but the expanse of my thoughts is more than i can bear
my mind is depriving my body
my body is depriving my mind
there is no where to hide, if not in sleep
no place to dream
no place to hold off the real world
not one minute
that is what i fear

today's another day

2006-01-12T16:47:00.000+08:00

isnt it funny how you can still feel so alone even when you're surrounded by everyone who cares for you? aahhh, the wonders of life.

im in a pensive mood. i just cant get over some things which dont matter at all. plus i have a mountain of assignments to get done by saturday! eek!!! i didnt even procrastinate much this week and it all came to this. *smack on forehead* intelligent demons. huh.

well, today's as normal as it gets. i taught my sister some basic chachacha. she passed. *grin* considering ive seen worse, she's alright. on the right track. heheh. oh and ahem, it also takes a good teacher do get it right. wahahahahah.

i dunno. ive dropped a lot of activities which used to be fun for me. i used to go out a lot, do a lot of sports and outdoor activities. over the years, i lost interest in a lot of things. i used to be so full and excited about life. now, all i cant think of is ace-ing college so i can get into uni. sad, huh. this is what ive reduced to.

i get afraid of the littlest things. like calling the pizza hotline, or answering the door. ask me to get a napkin from the counter which is 5 metres away and see me cringe and make excuses.

its shyness, in medical terms.

some sort of inferiority complex, or a social habit. its not some childish hue ive brought with me to my teens. i just cant shake it off. i get anxiety attacks. doesnt look like it, but you'll never know the dread and panic until you feel like you cant breathe. believe me, ive tried doing the normal things, practising whenever i get the cahnce. but it hasnt gone away.

why am i explaining myself?

sigh. i just wish the little quirks in my life would vanish. or at least i had someone to get along with it. i used to hide in the toilet whenever there were guests in the house, so i wouldnt have to face them. sometimes i still do. i wish life was that easy too. like i could hide whenever i wanted to.

there are 2 people who are on my mind. not a good thing. they annoy the hell out of me. because i just cant figure them out. 1 person, hardly ever shows any emotion. the 2nd person, hardly ever shows, period. im trying to know you dammit. cant you see that?

oh no worries. the usual people who read my blog arent any of the 2. =)

sigh. who am i if it were not for school? what am i if it not were for books? what would i do if it were not for work or education?

coming back to what i was saying, i just dont get a thrill out of life anymore. ive tried so many things that can be tried here. i learned how to cycle, rollerblade, skate, swim, jump, run, climb, dance, play, perform, endure, flaunt, hide, lie, speak the truth, and breathe.

something's missing. and i dont know how to fix it. and i dont know what it is at all.

ramblings no one ever hears

2006-01-12T16:39:00.000+08:00

i wrote this yesterday but in all my faulty mind i forgot to publish it. here goes... =p

Somebody told me...

write something nice about engineers
like how sexy they look in their specs
and oooh, holding the super sexy thick textbook
with heaps of unexplainable diagrams
and all those sexy fingers running through the keys on their keyboard
when they do programming
ooh how they perspire to get the program working
man...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i think the 12hour daytime sleep has gotten to me. i woke up at 4pm.
ive been daydreaming again.
today i wrote poems again. i havent done that in a long, long time.
that fuzzy feeling is overwhelming. it's nice, but it's making me lose track of what i should be doing. i don't know what i mean.
hmm. i dont want to go to school tomorrow. concentration is a difficult task.
but i do hope more days like these will come. it gives my creative side room to breathe.

thoughts from the past

2006-01-09T18:58:00.000+08:00

hmm. call it self-evaluation, call it vanity, call it what you will.

people used to complain/talk behind my back/bitch/comment/say it in my face that i was or am a moody, intimidating girl who never smiled. and everytime i hear that my mouth just gapes open and i go "wtf? wtf? wtf?"

i dunno. i choose to be what i want to be. i act how i feel. simple as that. i show what i want people to see. that may seem scary to you, but the important thing is i know who i am, what i am. and ~~intelligent~~ people-smarts people will usually know when i am being sincere. =)

i guess im cheerier nowadays, because i will myself to be. i dont know whether im glad i did it or not. it's alright i suppose. but i kinda miss my old, intimidating self. hahahaa.

oh. my sister finally saw the rice mites when you put the raw rice in the pot. wahuahuahua. XD now you know why i wash the rice short of soap, several of several times. geli huh.

hmm. i got sidetracked by that noisy pink person again. i'll continue later when i catch that thread again.

tea on my jeans

2006-01-08T21:13:00.000+08:00

hrmph. can't understand why i felt so tired when i woke up this morning. i had a good 8 hours worth of sleep, but i felt like crap. lol. anyhoo, went to have dimsum at Emperor's Court for lunch. it was pretty good actually. more or less the same with the dimsum at Dynasty, cos they're of the same branch anyway. i luuuuv the salad prawn tho. yummmmm ^^ mmm thinking abt dimsum again. woo~ the atmosphere's pretty nice, perfect for having a good meal and a chat with people. but the food's still better at Dynasty i reckon. more choices. EC havent got all the quirks worked out yet i reckon. anyhoo, go there when uve the time.

i got gooood books too at Manggis Mall. lol. sounds so weird. manggis mall manggis mall. XD yeah, i think im gna be a bookworm again. start bringin non-school books to school so i can read up during lunch. yeahhhh.

as for the record, today has been my klutziest day. i spilled tea and wet my jeans. then i spilled coke and wet my school books. *dear god...* ive still got some things i need to do, like watch Saw, read up my old notes, do articles for the BB, wash my new laundry basket (muahuahuahua... unnecessary information, but yer welcome) and eat my junk food. ive been missing out on tv. =( but i dont mind much. ive got my new pooters. ^^ oh yea i just reformatted this one, so its allll goooood. *big smiley face*

my physics teacher caught one of my funny dividers. it read:

When I grow up
I want to be a piece
of blackcurrant
bubblegum.

Is is the stuff of my
dreams - like the
stuffing in a great, big
roasted turkey.

I like to eat animals, too.

ohmegod. i thought he was gna hold it up and announce it for the whole class to hear. *i must remember to check all my sister-tainted stuff. = =" * thankgoodness he just laughed and walked away. phewwwwww...

mental note: must control endorphins to control giggling and bimbo-ness.

oh i sayyyy, my new bedspread is all black. like black black black. so kewl. next shopping spree must look for a fuschia one. XD

mental note: must stop writing dumb blog entries.

*giggle*

oh dear

2006-01-06T15:35:00.001+08:00

Think Lee Harding's Wasabi song.

All I can picture is acid green splashes on a white and purple background. Let's not forget the shadowed and blacklined eyes, as well as baggy pants and countless bangles. Makes you just want to rock your head and freak out huh. I loike. ^^ I saw his vid when I was in Melb. Very awesome. He has just become part of my music collection.

Perfect de-stressing song, especially after school.

Ick. School schmool. You can never escape first day homework. *smooching and patting new pooter*

Sick I know. Go get a barfbag.

Hmm, nothing much has changed. Aside from my mentality that is. Everyone's still the same, but I see everyone in a new light now. *trying to broaden mind* And oh my freakin blue toes, I was so late to school yesterday, I squished my way in muddy grass, got to class early cos of misinformation, nearly missed registration and lost my breath. Wohlauuu eh. Never again am I leaving the house at 7.25 = =" Enriching experience, but not fun.

I see familiar faces I can't name. My memory's slipping. I'm afraid I'll be sleepy again in class like last year. It really cost me. My only worry is I won't be able to perform well. Ahh screw it. I'm so fed up thinking about it. Just so people would know, I'm just gna do my best. That's it. We'll see what goes on from there.

Education can be such a prick eh?

Things are definitely getting busy. I'm not sure I'll be able to blog much again. Shiatz. My thoughts seem to be flying in all directions. Mostly in the wrong directions. Dammit. Where's self-constraint when I need it? pfft. I really am getting more and more random. Effects of ADD? I dunno, I dont care. All I know is that I'm hungry.

XD

dust bunnies and webby metropolitans

2006-01-02T18:30:00.000+08:00

Well so far, today's been quite an event. I slept at the crack of dawn and woke up at 11, no thanks to my clock. I had lunch with Lai, Slesh and Lesley at Kate's. Pretty fun. We had a good time catching up with each other and gossiping. Hahahaha.

Concerning lunch, the food was alright. I approve. harhar. A wee bit on the upscale but that's alright, cos skali skala (once in a while) wah. The total came up to about $38, but we stayed there for like 2-3 hours.

Concerning people, I never knew there was so much to be talked about. Haha. Everyone had their own holiday story to tell. Everyone had a bit of gossip to share. We all had a good time. I really think we should have more of these eat-outs. Makes college less dull if you know what I mean. We're all dreading school though. It's TOMORROW!!! ick. I'm so not ready to jumpstart those neurons, not when they're all rusted and missing in bits. huhuhuhuhuhu... =(

I guess I'm just really glad to be with company again. I haven't really allowed myself to enjoy being around people. Don't ask me why because I'm not too sure of the reason myself. All I know is, I'm going to try to be a better person. *grin*

We had a major re-shuffle in the house this afternoon. Migawd. And we were just moving the furniture in 2 rooms. And heaving and dusting and wiping and drying and stretching those muscles. I seriously have biceps now. No comments please. No comments.

Plus my initially black shirt is white with dust and lint. >.<

Klutz. That's what I am. Banged and lost footing and scraped and nearly cramped and knocked. It would be easier and less complicated if I was the thin and bony kind, but unfortunately not. I feel like an unfortunate sloth.

I'm so tiirreeedd..... = =

I think I'm going to wake up to school with sores and aches. And that's if I manage to even wake up at all. It's back to the crack-o-dawn schedule. *droopy puppy face* After this, I'll still need to get my school stuff ready. And have dinner. And wash up. And god-knows-what other chores I'll have to do.

Hmm. I like my new day-at-a-time calendar. The sarcasm and twisted cuteness is damn near my line of philosophies. ^^ I can't believe it's only the 2nd day of the year. It feels like a week passed by.

I'm so tiirreeedd.....

i know enough swear words to fend off buggers

2006-01-02T02:28:00.000+08:00

http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/2006/01/ladies-and-gentlemen-i-present-to-you.html

Shocking i tell you. Honestly and fortunately, those horrible experiences of being groped or sprayed have never happened to me. I've been to Orchard Road twice last year and nothing ever happened.

Maybe it was the bitchy scowl on my face. Maybe it was my overbearing mother in front of me. Maybe it was my boyish look. Maybe it was the knife I had in my bag. I'm kidding, I don't carry knives around. Maybe I was just lucky, and God was on my side. Maybe. I don't know.

It just goes to show how much the human race has achieved in the last 21 centuries. Horrible, I tell you. All those girls unfortunate enough to experience spray-and-grope have my sympathy. And as a girl, I say go carve out those fugly balls!!!

Really, I can't begin to imagine how these people get the pleasure out of tormenting passerbys. KNN!!! Until guy companions are needed to scare away those losers!!! *imagining to punch imaginary groper* I can imagine how !!!!! those girls feel though.

I actually had a dream where my butt was pinched by some fat fuckwit who grinned stupidly at me after pretending to brush past me. The helplessness of being taken advantage of made me feel like I wanted to beat the daylights out of him. And that was only a dream.

Imagine what I would've done in reality.

It irks me to know how few decent people are left on earth. *shudder* I know many thousands of people have been devastated by 2005's catastrophic events. I know everyone is hoping that this year will be better and more manageable. I just can't stop being the pessimist I am and think more dastardly events will come.

Maybe things will take a turn after all the bad has happened. Maybe it's just a phase. Maybe a miracle will happen after all.

Let's pray something good will come out of all this. Let's do what we can and not repeat the mistakes we made. Let's step out of our little lives for once to help those with bigger problems.

Sometimes I just go nuts when I see some article in the papers, saying a few million bucks would go to making a movie or some popular person goes out of their way to shake hands with the public. Like what in the effin whisker is the benefit of all that????

Sure there must be more to life than this. Surely there must be something we humans are meant to achieve before we die.

I haven't found my place in this life yet, that's for sure.

how new is new?

2006-01-01T01:08:00.001+08:00

Well, it's 2006. and i don't feel the excitement. i feel the determination to succeed because this is going to be my one year to prove myself to everyone. isn't that what the world is all about? proving ourselves, so that we can secure our stand in society? honestly, i dont really care what people think of me. i dont care about the gossip or the latest trends. i care about what i need, what i want, and the people around me. hmm, truth or fiction?

that's for me to know, and for you to find out.

in any case, i wanted a template change. i know the purple throne concept seems arrogant, but i know that you know that we all know our rights on the internet. so, i just hope you like the colours. ^^ i like the purple, black and white concept. funkeyyyyy.

it's going to be a tough year, and im going to have a damned stressful time. im not complaining, just stating. i know better than to ooze useless everyday spites, unless they're for fun of course.

hmm. seems to me, some people are growing up too. i just hope not growing apart. just up. *wry smile* oh, i also aim to meet more acquaintances this year, what with the juniors pouring in around march. muahuahuahuahua... *wicked grin*

the new calendars are up, my revision is ummm...alright, the mentality is set. i just dont get why i have to be so grim when it comes to work. i enjoy work, sometimes. still, i wish i was more of an optimist. well, maybe up till noon anyway. hahahaha.

today, on the 1st of january 2006, i intend to sleep allll dayyyyy looong. then i intend to revise. and tinker around here. heheheh. OHHH DID I MENTION??? im getting a new pooter!!!!!!!!!!!! XD its going to be delivered to my doorstep in about a week's time. how sweet is that? sorry sorry, pun intended. harharhar.

anyway, i'll post up the specs soon. oh im just positively drooling at the thought of it. finally! something i can work with. even if it's for a year, before my intended overseas studies. lol.

happy new year. to all my buddies and chums, see you soon. all the best. hope the rest of you are good, even if i havent seen you in months, years.

enough mush. supper time!!!

^^ updatedversion, 2006

to do to do to do

2005-12-29T01:31:00.000+08:00

i seem to like saying words in threes.

too much, too little.

ive seen enough quotes for tonight. talk about touching. and depressing.

my sister's back btw. and theres not a single pirated CD in sight. XD i wonder how long this'll last. i seriously have no faith in the gov.

scouting for pcs now. gna get a spankin new pooter sooooon. yumm.

woe is me. ive got so much things to do this week before school starts. huhuhu... = =" holidays havent been as relaxing as i thought. die die die.

pfft. power up-ing my specs later in teh evening. =p its time i got clearer vision again. and i'll see if i can pinch in an extra pair. one aint ever enough.

pride and prejudice

2005-12-28T02:09:00.000+08:00

i can't begin to explain what is going through my mind now, or for the past hour. elizabeth's bennet story is the most beautiful i have ever heard of. i get so immersed and forget myself. i forget my life and everything else associated with it.

i only see the one thing missing from my concsciousness.

friends huh

2005-12-27T18:38:00.000+08:00

hmm, for the first time in a very long while, ive decided to join friendster again. lol. see what all the fuss is all about.

i think i need a stronger caffeine boost. i look like dirty laundry.

tom yum soup dinner awaits. muahuahuahua... i am the rice cookin queen.

i wonder what template i should go for this time. i cant think of something catchy. 2006 calls for somethin more than greenday's holiday. hmmm... suggestions are welcome.

i was raidin my own room the other day, getting rid of all the dust bunnies. and i found my box o scrapbooks and diaries. hoomigoodness, i had a funny time readin thru most o them. man, i really like my records. i make good history books. books are eternal.

dude, i so love electronica rock. *drool* makes you just want to get up and do a quick chicken dance.

i better refuel before i type more rubbish. spare you all my unconnected thoughts.

something's on

2005-12-26T15:15:00.000+08:00

my head's buzzing again.

my former housekeeper got married about a month ago. she's only in her early 20s. nothing surprising, but totally unexpected. she seemed to be a headstrong, conclusive young woman just emerging from a succesful job in Brunei. and the first thing we heard since she got back to her homeland (Indonesia), she's gna get married. = ="

it just didnt strike me as normal, something she chose to do. im a critical person, aight? she's so much richer than the guy, who happens to be a former childhood friend, who has no property whatsoever. she has everything she needed, going on in the world. at that same time, her father just passed away too. maybe the grief overwhelmed her.

i still think it was a big mistake to get hitched. im always hoping that everything works well for her, and she leads a happy life with her new partner. she has been a good friend and nanny to me and my family. =) i just hope my intuitions are wrong.

brain over heart. brain over heart. brain over heart.

o man, i still cant get over the picture she sent. i wont post it up cos i think its a tad sensitive. its a studio photo of her n her new husband in traditional clothes. o man. *smack on the head* he's damn fugly. she looks too good for him. ok forget abt looks. i still dont like the expression on his face. it just shows so much contrast from hers.

his face is...calculative, unsure and ... just too sneaky for me. while she looks serene, happy, at peace with herself like she achieved the goal of her life.

*screaming at vacuum*

i'll be damned if its another early marriage gone wrong. so much shit happening in the world today.

tsunami memorials.

floods and heavy rains in south east asia.

earthquakes in pakistan, or somewhere there.

monkey bush aint so cocky now, and putin's a judo black belt.

dodo fossils.

i know something big's gna happen again.

dreams my foot

2005-12-26T00:29:00.000+08:00

recently, ive had this dream twice or more. my teeth went loose and before i knew it, i was spitting teeth like crazy. and pretty soon, i was as gumless as a baby and freaking out and laughing at the same time.

my sister said that losing-teeth-dreams are a good omen.

i told her she was crazy.

the past few days ever since i got back from melbourne has been tooooootally crazy and mindfucking. ive never been this gushed up before. i think its the hormones though, but theres really no way to tell.

for one, there's an impossible mountain of laundry to sort through.

then there's the impossible revision i have to do before i go back to school, which is what, in one week's time!??!?!?!?!

and then there's still absolutely impossible infatuation ive had for days now.

tonight, ive had exhausting, shocking, interesting conversations with several different people. im spent man, spent.

a friend got a first kiss experience just recently.

i feel like a 60 year old spinster.

a friend is absolutely positive im gna ace my A levels next year.

i feel like a fool. not to mention a dunce.

a friend told me what i didnt want to hear, but what i needed to hear.

i feel like a bubbling mix of soda.

when i go to sleep, im going to think of everything that happened and relish in it. dream ka, fantasize one last time, whatever. when i wake up, im going to face reality. be the person i need to be.

man, that hand gesture really dropped a bomb on me. i doubt RY is gna read this but anyway, i was smitten with you. i know, i believe, there was nothing in looking at my hand. im trying to convince myself once and for all, its just hormones. because the chances of an 'us' ever happening is very very very small, according to present and most probably future circumstances. well, it was sweet, fun, and memorable while it lasted. for me anyway. harharhar. yes yes, im getting over it. im getting over this infatuation once and for all. (unless you actually meant something etc etc, mail me.)

IM KIDDING, ALRIGHT?!?! the last part anyway. but the rest of it, i mean it. i need to remind myself that i mean it.

yeah, well, im over it. remind me, once in awhile huh guys? be a pal. this girl can forget her head too sometimes, you know.

this is me capturing capturing the moment, and putting it in my history.

and this is me starting to dream, and shutting the book.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Howie Day - Collide

from the twisted sisters

2005-12-25T18:28:00.000+08:00

happy holidays.

'tis the season

2005-12-25T14:29:00.000+08:00

i fall back to being melancholy faster than i adjust to living in this place again.

exactly a year ago, at this time, i was having the time of my life somewhere out there. today, im just going to listen to sad music and nibble on my precious max brenner chocolate.

i dont know why i always do this to myself. perhaps its a way of self destruction.

i just calculated my mental age. it's 22.27. i dont know what to say or feel.

i long for city lights. they calm my buzzing state of mind.

i've put Collide on repeat. its been playing for hours. im still stuck. i feel the need to play it out on the guitar. but my strings are broken. as poetic as that sounds, its dead depressing true.

i think i need a holiday from this holiday, to get back into the old routine. here, people feel like they have a purpose. like, they're needed. here, i feel stagnated. im really praying next year will breeze through with good results. damn this money minded world.

one year.

merry xmas, santa babies.

cold shower

2005-12-24T20:09:00.000+08:00

yeah, i needed that cold bucket o words to douse the lust, i suppose. sigh. its just that helplessness i love to hate. then there's always that sadness, knowing that a lot of things i hoped for will not happen. o eww i sound so mushy. ick. uber eww. yeah, well thanks ko. i feel better now. in a way, i guess.

vacuum screamer

2005-12-24T18:26:00.000+08:00

I want to scream and scream and scream myself hoarse.

i actually yelled "you piece of shit!" at the vacuum just now. it's big-assed size and crappy hose just got to me. oh and i don't regret getting the veronicas. they're good. typical rock ozzie sound. so yea, that explains the screaming. it was funny though. good thing no one's at home to see me yelling at the vacuum.

well, i just got home and we're cleaning the house already. it's omigod so dusty!!!!!!!!! ick. now, everything's clean clean clean, thanks to me n my crappy vacuum. ^^ hmmm. when i say clean, i mean dustless and maybe germless clean. clean does not equal messy, aight?

o man, im so frustrated!

i want to do so many things, i want to say so much, i want to feel something so bad.

im not surprised ive changed yet again. every event does that to me. every trip outside this country always changes my mental clockwork. its not surprising. but its bloody frustrating. i mean, how am i supposed to fit in again? as obnoxious as that sounds, i really find it a hard time trying to hangout with friends, mostly people my age. my mental age feels like its 20+. i know i know, its obnoxious etc etc. well, whats a blog for anyway. i just, sigh. now, i have to find a way to get along again. sometimes, i wish i wasnt so malleable. but then, sometimes i appreciate the fact that i am. i adjust quicker.

dammit. infatuations are bloody frustrating. especially in my case.

i know someone's infatuated with me. i know im infatuated with someone else. i was so infatuated with a dark choc suckao i was literally high on choc drugs. i know i'll be infatuated yet again next time i'll go crazy and obsessive like this. i cant think about anything else!!!!!! >.<

dammit dammit dammit. i know i dont have to do anything about it. infatuations dont necessarily matter. but when they do, i just go blank. stupid. stupid stupid stupid. see how frustrated i am now? maybe i should go shout at the vacuum somemore.

here's what im thinking now:

a few phrases from the veronicas - revolution

I am temperamental Like a heart without a home I am sentimental But you dont know me at all I have expectations I wanna be the one you call And I want a conversation But you dont know me at all If you knew me at all You'd take my picture And you'd hang it on your wall

a few phrases from the same song, which i wish theyre true *melodramatic sigh*

Hold on tight I am Im a revolution Close your eyes I am, I am I'll blow your mind I am Im a revolution Why do i have to explain Who I am again and again I amI know what you're thinkin I can tell what you're waitin for But I think that you're pretendin But you dont fool me at all I didnt know that you've been wanting me Oh how's a girl supposed to know Just when you think that it's all tragedy Dont worry baby I'll go slow

i always seem to like people i cant have. what is with that??? oh and just so you know, i'll never admit this infatuation to anehbodeh. unless branded with a hot poker or something liddat.

"I'm quiet you know You make a first impression I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind", howie day's collide.

sigh. i think im done venting. im all spent. i just wish the thoughts would go away. i dont like being this vulnerable.

gone are the flies and ants

2005-12-24T07:54:00.000+08:00

im at changi at the moment. im going to board in a few minutes. hmmm...somehow home doesn't really appeal to me. in fact, 2006 doesnt at all. what a bore. i didnt mean for the last post to sound so morbid. i was in a state of stupor. sleep deprived more like. hmm, i think ive been getting that a lot lately. the other day, i was infatuated with two things, my parents thought i was high on drugs. lol. well, anyone can be easily infatuated with chocolate. *dreamy smile* hmmm, will blog more when i get back home. sigh. i wonder what next year holds in store for me. oh and by the way, theres this dude just in the next pooter booth who is just so cuuuuuuuuuute ^^ sigh. bloody hormones. i must remember to put some holy verse in a shirt pocket next time. hahahaha. now, im just procrastinating. if i could, id hog this pooter booth allllll day long.

i dont miss the flies, ants n spiders. i think ive developed an icky disposition towards those bugs now. its either crawl away, or die. lol. yep yep, im a horrible little girl.

collide

2005-12-19T22:31:00.000+08:00

im sitting in my sister's room, with my sister and mom. it's 1.30 in the morning. they're talking about umm...tonight's forthcoming dinner. howie day's collide is on repeat. i just took off my glasses because i don't want to focus anymore. ive stopped listening. i just hear the tunes and hums and sounds.

the purple crown i drew on my hand is smudged. my hair's all messed up and i want to sleep but can't. sometimes my legs twitch at night when i canl sleep. i can see the sillhouete of the trees swaying through a crack in the blinds. most of the time i try not to think of pushing my sister off the bed and hog the quilt.

they're gossiping now. im still enjoying typing.

so many emotions and needs. this week has been hard. on everyone. i dont want to think. about the past. about the future. i just dont want to be anymore.

im 17. i feel that not enough has happened to me. everything just passes by as a blur. everything around me just moves at a speed faster than me. i feel warped. what am i typing now?

right now, my template would be a mellow yellow and blue. with a thin, jagged gray line along the edges. i think i'll go dive under the covers now. nothing more, nothing less.

Look what you've done...

2005-12-17T19:08:00.000+08:00

... screw you.

I finally watched Bullet in a Bible abt the same time the concert started. I knew it would finally open up all the emotional baggage I brought with me from long, long ago.

Like they said, if anyone tells you to do something you don't believe in, just give them the middle finger. Image has nothing to do with anything anymore. Self trust and belief do.

if i had my way, i wouldn't even need to curse online

2005-12-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

fuck it. watehell is the matter with people today. my one and only chance to ever see Greenday is a complete zero because of fear. damn it. if you don't want to spend money, don't even bother going out. if you don't want to wreck the car, don't even bother driving. if you don't want to get pickpocketed, don't even bloody bring money then. after all this, you label me for the single mistakes i make??? well #)$& *@#. im glad to be one more headache for you then. just one more bloody year till i can physically separate myself from these grevious persons. greenday might just as well retire and never tour again because i obviously am not "allowed" to go and see a damned concert. oh ive typed a lot of curses too but ive deleted them after every sentence. hmm. one shouldnt blog under the influence of screwed up feelings. a flagged blog isnt on my list.

Yeeha

2005-12-14T21:56:00.000+08:00

The family.

The graduate.

The flowers received.

The special home-cooked dinner we ate.

By yours truly.

Well, you're an adult now, big sister.

Ants in Melbourne

2005-12-12T10:44:00.000+08:00

The weather is unpredictable. hahaha. It's hot and dry, but the winds are cold and wet. Well at least I think so. =p So far, everything's alright. We arrived yesterday at 6.50am = =" huhuhuhuhuhu. We got out of the airport about an hour later cos of customs.

I got sniffed by a dog. HAHAHAHA.

Then we took a taxi to my sister's house. Yes, she didn't come to the airport to pick us up cos it was too early. hahhaha. Nothing much. Stayed at "home" and slept till like 3 in the afternoon?
Anyhoo, the thing that bugs me the most is the ANT INVASION!!!!! *screaming like a banshee*

Well it's not that bad la, i guess. Still, it's not exactly comfy when you have to watch out for sneaky crawlers when you're eating at the table. XD Should've brought bug spray.

Oh, we saw a GREAT BLACK FAT SPIDER too in my sister's room last night. So scareeeeeeyyy. I think we scared it away and out of the house, cos we're all still alive today. lol. Well, no joke, we do have to smash any wandering spiders cos they're poisonous. =
O we had dinner at this place called River Kwai last night. We went with 3 other families and my sister's friends. Talk about a big crowd. We took up 3 tables! lol. My sister's friends are an open crowd. Haha. I like em. But I think I'm just uh..shy. lol. Well, anyway, it was mouth watering gooooooood. Our table had 10 different dishes! o.O

I was totally stuffed. To the max. haha. We're gna go out later. Dunno, see if I can get some pictures later. ^^ Hmm, I'm also trying to get Greenday tickets. crossing fingers for hope* oh, and I've contacted Tzen too! Haha. We'll be meeting up soon I guess. ^^

Till then, ants away!

Singapore - Day 1

2005-12-09T21:37:00.000+08:00

Hahahaha. The airplane ride totally sucked. I'll spare you the lurid details, and just say that I nearly puked during landing. The pilot wasn't bad, really. I just wasn't up to fly I guess.

We're staying at some hotel near City Hall. Pretty kewl. Lotsa n lotsa n lotsa shops around. We've been walking around the whole day till now, and I've only gotten a Bullet in a Bible (original. muahuahuahua.) and next year's school shoes (omibloodigodmyfeetaregettinghugernhuger?!??!). I played stylist for my dad and gave him a brand new look. So he's definitely gna turn up lookin' snazzy on my sister's graduation. *wink*

Dinner was effin' awesome *bug eyed*. We went to this Halal Thai restaurant and we had oweeee the spicy hot, yummylicious tom yam seafood. *slurrrrrrp!* And also some sambal kang kong and ginger parsley beef. Wohlau eh, I tell you. Baru 3 dishes and I feel like I'm in heaven already. Oh I burnt my tongue on hot soup too.

Well those are the normal, S'pore shopping spree stuff that everyone does. The quirks, are another story. Mpphhhfff. Here's a few that I can remember:

We were in this lil shop and the music blaring from the ceiling stereos was some Jamaican (ya man) sound. The cashier, a mature and stern looking woman, was nodding and bouncing a little to the beat. Best thing was she was sporting about it. Haha. I can't imagine that happening in KB where the cashiers only grunt and ignore you. lolz.

When we were shopping for my dad's new look in Robinsons' Men's Section, there were 3 salespersons looking after us. Woahahaha. Felt good to have salespeople actually looking after their customers. 3 waiting on us!!! My dad being the only guy and all. lol.

So anyway, I also happen to like how people here smile at you when you smile back, like the salespersons from the Men's Department. Wohahaha. Yeah, they're the ones who were after my dad. Anyway, I just like how they smile back whenever I smile at them. And I smiled a lot. XD

Oh, and they're guys by the way. *;p*

Hmm, I can just imagine my self living here you know? Hanging out with friends at the same old Thai restaurant every night, just chatting with each other. Or like walking around department stores with girl friends, or boyfriends. Or just going to work, using the MRT or bus. Ah well. I must be a city girl after all.

Hmm, I still have a Couch Potato bun to finish. It's waiting for me in the hotel room. Hahaha. I just love bakeries here. They've got scrumpidillicious pasteries. yummm...

Tomorrow, we're gna shop around Funan for a hard disk for my sister, and a phone for my dad, and maybe even for me. =p Maybe lahhhhh...and tomorrow, we're gna fly to Melbourne!!!

Pictures will be posted a few days from now. A little hectic and I don't have much pictures from good ol S'pore. Who needs em when you can come here?!

ehh = ="

2005-12-09T04:03:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep. I watched TV after I turned off the pooter. That was about 1 something. Then I went to bed at 2 something. Now it's 4 something. = =" Blame it on over active imagination. Blame it on ADD. Blame it on the cup of coke I drank before I went to bed. lolz. And, it doesn't help that Click Five songs are running over and over and over in my head. At max volume. *shudder* And as revolting to me as glee-hopping to you, it's not the thought of meeting you so soon that jump started adrenaline, my dear Bobo. Well, you go figure it out. Bwahahaha.

I'm bored and I have nothing to do. Dum di dum di dum.

I don't think I'll be able to sleep after this. Might as well just do something eh? Hm..thing is there's nothing much to do. Man, why do I always get into these kind of situations? Bleh. I wonder what's for breakfast though... o.O

Well, ok. I've got an interesting topic. Mainly 'cos it just happened and I've nothing better to do at 4.07am, December 9, 2005.

I got this thingamajig in my inbox around 1 or 2 something just now?

Be right back.

*SHUT UP YOU HOWLING DOGS! IT'S 4.11AM DAMMIT! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BLOG HERE??!?!?!!?*

Darned neighbourhood stray dogs. Hope it's a burglar they got anyway.

So anyway, I got this crush thingy at 1.28am just now. Hmm, I'm flattered. Really. But the thoughts that jumped in my face respectively were:

"Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha....."

"They must've gotten the wrong email."

"That person must be really drunk...cos I'm not the crush-able kind at all."

etc cynicism, sarcasm, humor, jadedness etc

Well I was really tempted to click on the "Remove me" link. It really looked like spam. But I decided to entertain myself and clicked on the "Find out" instead.

And I wished I didn't. = ="

*incredulous look on face* YOU HAVE TO BLOODY SIGN UP AND BLOODY GUESS WHO THEY ARE??????????

The clues aren't much of a help anyway. All general stuff like they may see you everyday, your schoolmate, they may give you a card etc etc etc All these random things are believe you me totally useless. In fact, the only useful clue they gave was look it up in the address book. Like "DUHHH..."

I mean, geez, watehell? Only jobless loonies would create such a website. Tsk.

So anyway, I gave up after a few tries. How in the world am I supposed to guess without the barest breath of a hint. Tuh.

So whoever you are, come out come out. I don't like these guessing games, not especially from a purple heart-ed website. *Ewww...they stole my colour too. Blegh.* And I really appreciate some straight forwardess, however embarassing it may be to you. Well, let's just assume I have a rather thick skull (assume ok, assume), so I'm slower than the average hormonal person. And that's assuming, after you've read this entry, that you still have a crush on me. XD

And the rest of you can stop laughing now. I can hear your snorting and hideous wheezing from here. I'm psychic. >=p Well did YOU get any crush-mail? Nyeh nyeh nyeh.

It is now 4.32am.

Learn To Fly

2005-12-08T23:46:00.000+08:00

I'm gna fly tomorrow! ^^ Not that thrilled because of the flight itself, but thrilled for some Singapore shopping and food! Yummm... Well I just finished packing and all. For some reason, a 2 week stay in Melbourne requires 3 big luggages............. one for each person lah. XD

Anyhoo, I'm not expecting much from this trip la, 'cos I'm bringing my Physics and Chemistry files along too. = =" They weigh 5 kg man... Think what I can buy in S'pore worth 5 kg. Tsk. Well I've got a few items I need to get from S'pore, and I'm ready for that ugh-ing flight (I don't like airplanes. Blegh.). My Cybershot and Zen and Nokia are all charged. I've got my purple pen ready for whimpering, sun-worshipping fans. And, I'm not gna sleep anytime soon because of a dysfunctional, hormonal, sleep induced disorder. Anyway, I'm gna cook a yummylicious, drooliation, tangy, spicy, fantastical Asam Laksa Maggi Mee after I blog.

Muahuahuahua. I love adjectives and rojak words. ^^

See you in the virtual world!

rock

2005-12-06T15:00:00.000+08:00

I miss playing the guitar. My last string is broken, the others are a hybrid of steel and nylon. Eek. Sounds like a cat singing. What I want is a black or white Fender. *dreamy spazzed out look* And I admit I dream of being a rockstar. XD Still, I just want that lovely Fender. So eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......

Hmm, I think I miss being in a band. Not so sure. I've never really played on stage. A lot of dubbing by others and scratched parts because they thought I wasn't up for it. *pout* Well, maybe next time. I'll join something in uni. Maybe. Sigh. And if I do, I'll make sure I get it on tape. XD

grunge and imperfections are the new rock

2005-12-05T22:17:00.000+08:00

I've been doing my research on the latest sounds, and I came across a lot of freaky, fantastical, migoodness stuff. Like the websites of some musicians.

The Click Five

Hot damn. Their sound is a total fusion of pop rock + old school. Actually more like The Killers but a younger n more bubblegum type. It's good! Their music just makes you want to get up and move. Plus their lyrics are pretty sweet and simple enough. Their concept for each song is straight to the point and easy to relate to. Although I must say, after 2 to 5 songs, you get kinda bored because they all sound almost the same. But hey, I'm thinking they're still new and need a little time to really fine tune their stuff. Don't get me wrong. They've got a few outstanding tunes in their album. I think they could've done better. It just sounds as if they rushed to get the album done. The songs all seem so saturated, like there's nothing new. Hmmm, over all, I give them a 4 out of 5 stars. Plus a half for the cute singer. ;)

The Veronicas

Owee. Grunge girls rock the world. Like sizzlin' hot. I haven't heard any of their songs except for 4ever. Sounds promising though. I like their attitude and style. You can just feel their vibe when you see anything relating to them. Now that's what I call good marketing. lol. Well, I'm still waiting to hear what else is new from them. But so far, I think I give a 4 out of 5 stars.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

Like dude, did you check out their graphics and web design? Oooooootay. I loike. The click five's lay out is simple and straight. I like the bit where all 5 members just stare at you all the time, at the top of the page. XD A lil intimidating, but you get used to it. Doesn't hurt that they're kinda cute too. Wahahaha.

The veronicas' is total grunge. Did you check it out?!!? It's all over the place! Like migawd, I just love it. So artistically strewn all over. Nice nice. A bit hard to see at first, but the graphics is what makes you come back for more. I went total o.O when I first saw em. Whoever did the site did an awesome job. *clap clap*

But I gotta tell ya, the guys who take the cake are no other than.... *drum roll*

Greenday

They greet you with a full out American Idiot flash presentation. Now who wouldn't be impressed by that. They've already got you excited before you even enter the site. Well, ok, nerd and obssessed fan that I am, it wouldn't be that fair. But o hell, they've even got an Idiot Club. And every bloody new page is a totally new layout. I mean, that has got to be one creative & hardworking web designer. So much tedious work!

T_T Of course I'm green with envy.

off with their heads!

2005-12-04T19:07:00.000+08:00

If I had my way...

school regulations do NOT include uniforms, banned items, and bloody morning registrars.
school starts at 9, ends at 3. 1 hr lunch break. oh so joyful clubs and activities and a student council; freedom of speech is strictly compulsory.^^
Taxes. They make the economic market boom.
town and city development, and enough fines to compete with fine city Singapore.
MRTs and trams and what have you's so that everybloodybody wants to use public transport.
Kill Piracy. Off with their heads!
Beach fun! Brown sand and blue waters. Not the other way around.
As the nerd that I claim I am, I want to build cities of books, stationary, food and clothes. Oh and hybrid cities too. For example:
Books books books! Stationary stationary stationary! Have a book/stationary city! I want every single kind of book every published, printed, written, drawn etc available in one part of the country. As well as rows and rows of pens, paper, clips etc etc a fantastical nerd like me would ever dream of. Muahuahua...sweet!
CANDY STORES.
theme parks with all kinds of rides and rollercoasters to have that food churning in the stomach.
gadget world o.O
friendly relations with martians, venusians and mercurians. ^^
dinosaurs still roam the uninhabited part of the earth. and humans aren't dumb enough to build jurassic parks.
eradicate hunger n poverty. world peace! world peace!
monkey face(HSUB) and his smelly butt(RIALB) to really be kept in zoos.
I wanna have a purple + black crown or tiara of my own. XD

"Confidence is ignorance," advised the centaur.

2005-12-03T22:01:00.000+08:00

"If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."

I FINALLY HAVE THE COMPLETE SET OF ARTEMIS FOWL SERIES!!!!!

Gosh, aren't they just pretty? *wipes tears from eyes* These have got to be one of my best investments in books ever. I just love all that goes on in Arty's adventures. Everyone loves to get away from the real world sometimes.

I indulge in these comtemporary modern genres.

Eoin Colfer did the right mix, of everything that I'd like to do. Artemis Fowl books have fairies, leprechauns, dwarfs, trolls, brain busting technology, primal instincts and pure logic, which is something we ordinary humans fail to possess most of the times. Sounds childish and very fantasized, but it makes one realize about the degree of differences between the polluted, corrupted world today and the ideal, natural world that every single species would like to live in. Sad, sad, sad.

Enough about human emotions. Artemis Fowl is a young teen with a dangerous, plotting mind. He's dastardly precise when he wants something, and he always gets what he wants.

Aurum est potestas: Gold is power.

D'Arvit. I'm a reprobate with an addiction to these kind of books.

I'm sorry but I won't be lending any of them to anyone. I value my books much more than I do my wallet.

No doubt. I'm an eternal faery minded Mudgirl. Better check for pointy ears now. Who knows, who knows.

busy busy bee

2005-12-03T11:42:00.000+08:00

I'm going to Singapore and Melbourne next week! My sister's graduating! ^^ Awww...she's all grown up and old now. *Pet on the head.*

My to do list:

Get 2 watches. 1 to lose, 1 to spare.
Kunt clothes! Muahuahuah... *chant: I love Kunt. I love Kunt. I love Kunt. I lov...*
Go on a chocolate tour! Mmm...every girl's chocolate fantasy come true. Wahahaha.
Hunt and stalk Greenday tickets for the 17th. *Please please pleeeeeeease...*
Sit and observe people at a cafe, sipping a mocha.
Get a koala hug! ^^ I know, I've done it before, but I wana do it again! =D
Get loadsa pictures for deviations. I'm having an inspiration block at the moment. =\
Write down random thoughts in a journal. Maybe I'll post some here too!
Have fun. Meet up with Tzen if possible. Muahuahuahua...I see little horns poking out from my hair already.
I dunno what else, but you'll hear about it if something comes up. ^^

I'll be leaving on Friday. Staying one night in Singapore. Then I'll be in Melbourne fer 2 weeks. I'll still be blogging then, but I wouldn't expect long entries. Neither me nor my sister likes sharing pooters. XD

Stop AIDS. Keep the Promise

2005-12-01T14:01:00.000+08:00

Today's World AIDS Day. I was watchin' MTV and they were showing all these HIV programs, about the social stigma, the discrimination, the mis-information and mis-understanding about how HIV and AIDS happens, and the myths about how HIV is transmitted.

I'm still quite surprised how clueless people are about this serious pandemic. Like people in the UK for goodness' sake, they don't know if it's a growing problem there. = =" I mean, not pointing fingers or anything, but I'm just astounded. Kids as young as 9 in Thailand are being taught and educated about sexual behaviours, contraception, HIV etc etc

Well, I just wanna say I'm not afraid of HIV-positive people.

Silence = Death

So speak up.

knock knock. housekeeping.

2005-11-30T13:10:00.000+08:00

I don't get why I have to make my bed after I wake up. Or at all. My room. My rules.

I'll only wash dishes if I have gloves.

I'll only do the laundry if we have a dryer.

I'll cook if our kitchen's inside the house, not an outside extension.

I'd be a kitchen munchie if you let me wear my house slippers in the kitchen.

I'm fussy I believe. I'm a clean freak I believe. I'm only lax when it comes to dust.

I don't do toilets. Except when things get reeeeeally getting bad. *smirk*

I'd do it all you know, if you let me do it at my own pace. I'd do it if you let me do it at my own time. You know I would. But you don't let me.

So I get off with not doing house chores most of the time. ^^

Shh...now don't you be exposing my ways. Secrets of a succesful teenage life. More to come perhaps in the near future. *wink*

blog transfer

2005-11-29T16:53:00.000+08:00

Pay attention, people. Pay attention.

Henceforth the 1st of December 2005, dodofarney.blogspot.com will be transfered to updatedversion.blogspot.com Full expectations of altered thoughts are required. The occasional comment and tags are always welcome. More than occasional visits are also welcome. Virtual popularity doesn't hurt. *grin*

Remember, 1st Dec. Go to updatedversion.blogspot.com instead of dodofarney, aight? See ya there. ^^

Of rage and conversations...or the other way round

2005-11-29T15:19:00.000+08:00

I don't know if it's hormones or natural rage or I'm sensitive or just plain rebellion. But some people just tick me off.

"and is that what's getting you down...that somehow you're lost ocntrol of your academic life and everything is spiralling downwards into the depths of God knows what and that you won't be able to pick up where you left off when school starts again?"

*sound of head exploding*

I had to log off after that before I killed my pooter out of rage. Well, actually...Nah, I'm kidding. I had to go off 'cos someone else had to use the pooter. In any case, I'm just a little ticked off for not getting the last word. I didn't get the chance to explain myself. I know that I don't have to, at all. But I don't like being misunderstood. I hate it when people think they know when they obviously don't. [Hmmm...that quote seems very familiar. Courtesy of Mr Physics I suppose. Har har.]

For one, I am not down. Who said I was anyway? Do not assume that I am, from the way I speak or look. If I am down, heh, you will surely know. I will let you know. Otherwise, my surly looks and grim tone is merely a part of my personality alright. I can't bloody change my features without plastic surgery, can I? I'm moody when I'm normal. I'm loud when I'm stating my rights. Surely you should know that by now, if you had been paying attention at all.

Two, I have not lost control of my academic life. If that's what you call a life. Pfft. If I have lost control, I wouldn't be bloody blogging about it now, would I? I know well what I am doing, I know well what I have done. The results are what I expected. Sure I shocked many many maaaaany people. But I didn't do it for their pleasure or pain. I did it for myself. O bloody hell I had the time of my life anyway, doing what I wanted. Exams are just a way of knowing whats in your head at that moment. Guess I had a lot of other stuff going on at that time. *shrug* I always know what I'm doing. Never tell me that I don't.

Oh and please don't make assumptions from things or events that have happened. Don't assume you know what's going on in my life because something like "failure" happened. If you must know, my life is not "spiralling downwards into the depths of God knows what". And I did not "fail". That's their term for getting below 50% in school. My term, is "pre-occupied". Well, whatever made you assume that, well, maybe that's your fear. Sure as hell not mine.

And I never spiral down. I either float down, or fall so fast and hard I break my neck. Spiralling is too plebian. I refuse to give up my uniqueness.

I'm sorry if the person involved, is hurt or for some reason, outraged. But I really don't like people misinterpreting my actions. You should be lucky I'm only blogging.

Another thing which just makes me mad is people who are over-sensitized.

"Oops, sorry I nudged your elbow."
"Eh, sorry I nudged your file."
"Sorry I shifted your paper."

= =""

Puh-leaze don't apologize for these little little things. I see you everyday in school. We go to the same classes everyday. We live in school everyday. Spare me the little apologies and the puppy eyes. At the most, a simple sorry and just get on with whatever you're doing will be perfect. An apologetic glance will suffice. Whatever. Just don't go "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry" like my hamster died or something. I don't have a hamster by the way. They died a looong time ago.

Anyway. I just detest overly sensitive people. Get on with life man. We don't have the time to tinker with little stuff. I know you're being polite and nice and all that, but really, you gotta know when to stop. It gets sarcastic and annoying.

T_T If it's anything worse, it's people who don't know how to stand up for themselves or take chances. My God man. I never knew such cowardly people existed in today's modern world. I do feel like rattling their lil brain. Hmm...an example will be people who don't do things that they want for the sake of inconveniencing others. Oh watehell. Everything's gna inconvenience others whether you like it or not. It's either you, or them. If it's gna be you, fine. Don't bug me about it anymore. I detest martyrs.

I just really hate softies. I can't help being a cynic. I can't help being a realist. I can't help being honest. Deal with it. I'd say it to your face but then you'd break down and cry and say I'm insensitive. To hell with being insensitive. I just want to wake you up. Dammit.

I always have to be the bad guy. T_T If there was a job for this, I think I'd fare pretty well.

Evil laugh. Noble heart. You've been warned.

2005-11-27T19:43:00.000+08:00

I'm back! Muahuahua...I spent 3-4 hours doing this template. And it's finally done! I suppose I can credit a few sources for fueling me to go on. Otherwise, I believe I would've still been stuck with a lost and black template.

As dedicated and obsessed as ever, Greenday rules. ^^

HP4 is the fattest, most disappointing, most uncomfortable movie I've ever had to watch for 2.5 hours, at the cost of $6. = = I've expected it eversince I read Xiaxue's review of the movie. Sigh. If you're gna watch it, just grab a pirated DVD and watch it in the comfort of your own home. It just ain't worth a tenth of the book's respect. *shakes head*

I had a good time though. Adam and Serene went to watch the movie with me. We had cold milkshakes before the movie, which accounted for my 10minute leave near the end of the movie. It was bloody cold, alright!?! Plus I'm not lactose tolerant. Nyeh nyeh nyeh. Should've known better before having that Mocha Coffee Shake, though.

We had "dinner" at the new place called Dome just beside the mall. Not bad, not bad, considering it took 10 to 15 minutes of our lives looking for the entrance to the restaurant anyway. It's not inside the mall, it's outside the mall. My God, it's just so frustrating looking for a non-existent diner at the shop directory.

So anyway, I really wish I brought my camera then. The atmosphere, I give 5 stars. Lights, music, view and all, so good. Perfect place for having long chats with a small group of friends. Perfect place for gazing into your date's face for hours. Perfect place for working on your laptop with a hot cuppa cappucino. It's just perfect.

The food is awesome if you have a big appetite. My Diet Coke consisted of a glass with ice and a straw, for $3.20 = =" Serene's cappucino was what, $3.80??? or something liddat? Anyhoo, if you're planning to dine there, make sure you're gna eat and drink your money's worth. Their sandwiches and grills are huge portions (literally and financially). I mean, bug-eyed HUGE. *doing a bug-eyed face for emphasis* But their taste, ooh la la. Heaven.

You've got to give them credit for their service. The best I've ever seen. The food and drinks come in less than 5 minutes. The waiters and waitresses are just everywhere and ready to do your bidding. Wait, that didn't sound right. They're just quick to act. Plus, they smile. Go to any KB or Seria restaurant and all you get is a grunt or an angry glance. Kudos to Dome for getting the excellent staff!

Go to Dome. You won't regret it. Unless you're a miserable old miser.

I got Greenday's Bullet in a Bible. It's their American Idiot concert in England. They don't have any DVDs though. Still, it's f*ckin' good!!!!! I STILL WANT DEC 17th TICKETS!!!!! "Dear God, please be nice. Let me watch this concert and I won't swear again. Publicly anyway."

I got Coldplay's X and Y album too. Haven't listened to it yet. I'm saving it for the boring times. Have a lil something to do.

I hate my country's government. I do. *This is the part where you should read the update.*

Anyhoo, toodles. I've had a vibrant day.

Woo~ this took me and hour to write. I feel good. Nanananananana. I know that I would. Nanananananana.

UPDATE: Due to the sensitivity of the topic, and the frickin' closed country i live in, the most exciting part of this post has been removed. Whoever wants to read the juicy parts, just email me here. ^^

I can't anymore

2005-11-24T17:35:00.000+08:00

I can't keep breaking down in the middle of conversations. I can't keep up with appearing in society anymore. I can't do what you want me to anymore. I can't keep conversations in my head anymore.

Funny. 3 in a boat. Entirely different situations. Completely the same frustration and anger. *Wry smile* God, you're nasty.

HP4

2005-11-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

I've got 2 more HP4 tickets for this saturday at the mall. Confirmed gna watch is me and Adam. Who wants it better speak up fast. I'd appreciate early acknowledgements ^^

Officially screwed

2005-11-24T00:03:00.000+08:00

My end of year results are effin dastardly. Very colourful combination if I may say so. I'm thinking of dropping Chemistry though. That way I might be able to focus more on Physics and Biology without having to worry about bonds and structures. = =" I dunno yet. We'll see what happens next year. I hope my AS results will be what I hoped for >.<>

I've gone back to being a hermit. There's just nothing to stimulate me. I hate that feeling. But I always have to be the one who goes oh never mind me, I'm too taxing and I'll only interrupt you. And I don't even have a freakin' after-college goal anymore. What's the use if I'm off for UBD or Curtin. Blehhh...I just flinch when I think of it. I'm not saying those Unis are bad, it's just that I'm not a UBD or Curtin person. I'm a bigger-than-life person. Whatever that means. Ahhh watehell. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm just screwed. No chance of getting that scholarship now. Might as well just brood. I hate this place. No, I hate being stuck here.

I wish I knew more blasphemies. That would make my blog entries more interesting. The latest one I found is...."Get away from me, you...wart from hell!" XD Damn funny.

Sigh. I normally hate labelling and character judgements. But I just love to do it with my self. Guess that shows what a tiny, depressed insect I am. = = The term loser is too common. Insignificant and deranged sounds much better.

Heh. Asperger's Syndrome is much more better than ADHD i reckon. At least you've got the mental capabilities. ADHD? Sports maybe. But everyone knows that ain't a rewarding thing is this place. Not unless you live in the States or anywhere else. = ="

So I'm back to being moody. Brooding is what I do best. It's just too bad they don't have any competitions for that. Otherwise I think I stand a chance of scoring a medal. Ha. Ha. Ha.

HAHAHA...this ADD diet is funnier than Kenny

2005-11-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

Taken from http://www.oneaddplace.com/add-diet.php

First, what NOT to eat for TWO WEEKS:

1) NO DAIRY PRODUCTS, especially cow's milk. This is the single most important restriction. Instead try Almond milk, Rice milk, or Better Than Milk. Drink water instead of milk. In fact, drink lots of water. The brain is about 80% water, and increasing your water intake to 7 to 10 glasses per day might be helpful all by itself. Sodas, Gatorade, teas, icees, etc., do not count as water. Water counts as water.

2) NO YELLOW FOODS. Especially Corn or Squash. Bananas are white. Don't eat the peel.

3) NO JUNK FOODS. If it comes in a cellophane wrapper, don't eat it.

4) NO FRUIT JUICES. Too much sugar content. One small glass of apple juice has the sugar content of eight apples. Later on you can have juice, but dilute it with water 50/50.

5) CUT SUGAR INTAKE BY 90%. If you can, cut it down to zero. Sugar is in just about everything, but give it a try. Do your best without going crazy.

6) CUT CHOCOLATE BY 90%. No more than a single piece, once a week.

7) NO NUTRASWEET. None. Period.

8) NO PROCESSED MEATS and NO MSG. Only get meats with labels that say, “Turkey and Water,” etc. If the meat has chemicals listed that you can't pronounce, don't buy it.

9) CUT FRIED FOODS BY 90%.

10) AVOID FOOD COLORINGS WHENEVER POSSIBLE. See if your child is sensitive to any particular colors, such as Reds, Yellows, etc. For now, though, avoid all if possible.

SUMMARY: Just eat foods that God made for a while. Eat like people did in the 1940's. Go to a used book store and get a Betty Crocker's Cook Book for recipe ideas. There really are about 10,000 meals that you CAN eat. Just not much in the way of “fast foods” or “convenience” foods.
AFTER TWO WEEKS begin adding these foods back into your diet, one food every other day. Eat A LOT of that food every day for four days. If you have a problem with one of the foods, you will see some kind of a “reaction” within four days. The reaction can vary from big red splotches on the body to ears turning bright red to explosive temper outbursts. If there's a problem, you'll know. If there's no problem, enjoy the food.

WHAT TO EAT TO FEED THE ADHD BRAIN:
1) FOR BREAKFAST SERVE HIGH PROTEIN, LOW CARBOHYDRATE MEALS. Say, “Good-bye,” to Breakfast cereals and milk. Serve 60% Protein and 40% Carbohydrates for Breakfast. Other meals should be 50% / 50%.

2) PROTEIN SUPPLEMENTS might be needed to get the added protein for Breakfast. They are often very helpful in the afternoon as well. Here is our favorite recipe for a Protein Shake:

a) Make a cup of coffee, using one of General Mills' International Coffees, or something like that, with a flavor that you or your child will like (yes, I know I'm breaking my own rules here, as these coffees have dried milk and some sugar, but I'm trying to get your kid to actually drink the thing, and also get some caffeine mixed with the protein.). Pour the hot coffee into a blender with about 6 oz of ice. Turn on the blender for a bit.

b) Add a good quality protein powder. There are many good ones available. If you can't find one that you like, ask at your local health food store. Get protein powders that are mostly protein and very little carbohydrate. Add between 15 and 20 grams of protein to the cold coffee in the blender.

c) Turn on the blender again.

d) Drink it up.

This protein shake is helpful for a lot of people. For many small kids, and many adults, this recipe works about as well as a small dose of Ritalin (100 mg of caffeine is roughly the same as 5 mg of Ritalin). So many who might just take a small dose of Ritalin might get away with just doing this.
Don't forget, though, that even caffeine can have some side effects. Every once in a while we find someone that has problems with the caffeine in the coffee. Usually, though, the caffeine in the coffee helps the person to focus better. The protein helps to feed the brain. If you find this helpful, have one with Breakfast, and one around 3 pm. If it is not helpful, then don't bother with it.

3) MINERAL SUPPLEMENTS may be helpful. Colloidal Minerals or fully chelated minerals are the best. We like the MinPac from VAXA, but there are several good choices. Don't buy minerals in the grocery store. Get good minerals.

4) ATTEND, EXTRESS, or MEMORIN from VAXA. We recommend the "Attend" product for everyone. "Extress" is recommended in addition for those with problems with hyperactivity and temper, and "Memorin," in addition to the "Attend," for those with poor concentration or memory. These are strongly recommended. Here is more information on ATTEND, the amino acid based, homeopathic medicine that is a great alternative to ritalin.

5) FLAX SEED or PRIMROSE OIL. High sources of Omega oils. Borage oils and some fish oils are good as well. Very important. Mix about a spoonful a day into foods as you prepare them, or add to salad dressings, etc.

6) EAT LOTS OF FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. Avoid Aluminum exposure. Eat in a healthy manner. Try it out and let us know what you think. Oh, before you email back and ask, “Well, what can we eat?” please look through your Betty Crocker Cook Book and you'll find hundreds of recipes that will fit. It's the convenience foods that are most of the problem. Re-discover the lost art of cooking!

Wishing you the best of success,
Doug Cowan, Psy.D., MFCC

ROFLMAO >.<>

sigh...

2005-11-21T04:13:00.000+08:00

I must've tampered with the templates too much the other day. I lost my settings. = =" No worries. I'll whip up a new design in no time. Till then, boring ol black it is. I don't trust myself with white. Not so innocent, I suppose. XD

oopsie...I'm not entirely healthy

2005-11-21T03:14:00.000+08:00

I just realized I've been visiting my blog everyday just to check, but I didn't log in to blogger. XD Talk about chickenbrained. And you know, I've been thinking lately. Again.

This particular thought has occured to me lots and lots of times, but I've never really checked it out. Chronic procrastination I guess. So tonight, I got my lazy bum off the carpet and in front of the pooter. Did a little Google-ing here and there, and voila, turns out I do have some kinda disorder. lol.

Not that I doubted it long before today. It's called ADD or ADHD: Predominately inattentive. [Not the hyperactive kind, mind you. You don't see me running around in circles when I'm bored.] Now that I've come to think of it, it's no wonder so many things have turned out the way they did. *shrug* It's nothing to be alarmed about really. Nothing new, nothing different. Just a realization. How I found out? Took a test at http://www.oneaddplace.com/attention-deficit-disorder-symptoms.php

"More than 20 items with a score of three or more indicates a strong tendency toward ADD. Items 1, 6, and 7 are essential to make the diagnosis. "

And OH MY GOD I've got 38 items with a score of 3 or more. = ="

Flabbergasted. Gobsmacked. Bloody hell-ed.

Hospitals really should get this ADD/ADHD publicized. It would certainly help the government identify and differentiate the naturally-occuring losers from the mentally deranged. Seriously. But I doubt that's going to ever happen what with World War 3 happening,bird flu+dengue+obesity+diabetes plagues, poverty and hunger, corruption and oh just the daily dose of vanity by celebs. Sigh.

This is still no reason to call me loony, unless I start it first. ^^ Loony nana. NAHHHHH...doesn't go well.

On a more serious note, I'm not pointing the finger to anyone really. I'm just glad I found out. Even if it was all by myself. T_T I don't think I need expert counseling or medication. What I need is for the exams and school to be over and done with, and just some tiring, attention requiring activities of my interest. T_T But watehell. Even if people know I have ADD I don't think they'd know how to go about it. Ignore me more most likely. Thus making me more bored n moody. = ="

I know I have a cousin who has ADHD. Now him, woo~ Totally uncontrollable. Hyperactive gila! My uncle and aunt have my sympathy. lol. Been there, done that. Don't wana experience it ever again. Hey, I'm still entitled to my selfish opinions, no?

I still want Greenday tickets for 17th Dec. T_T

I WANT!!!!!!!

2005-11-16T22:55:00.000+08:00

o man o man... Harry Potter's coming out tomorrow!!!! >.< *plotting evil holiday schemes*

Oooooooo if it's one thing I really really really REALLY want now is tickets to Greenday's concert in Melbourne on the 17th Dec. I've never wanted anything this much. Like freaking desperate crazed want. >.< Well almost anything if I can get tickets. >.<

*screaming to the heavens*

Desperation.

Is.

Of.

The.

Most.

Torturous.

Kind.

Ever.

Greenday's American Idiot Rocks!!!!!!!!!!

It's also funny how the two things that I want the most have the same dates : 17th. HP on 17th of Nov. Greenday concert on 17th of Dec. Sigh....please say it was meant to be.

I see

2005-11-15T21:21:00.000+08:00

Raya has lost its meaning. I see teens visiting in jeans and shirts. Kids are willing to go to strangers' houses just to collect green packets (ang-pau). People visit just to gossip and talk behind the back of others. Others take advantage of the hosts.

Why's everything getting so immoral and wrong? Why's everyone lost their sense of respect? Why's nothing ever just for the sake of friendship, family, righteousness? I know, as naive and bubble-headed as it sounds, why's nothing ever just? When did we become so corrupted. Brainwashed. Bitter.

It's sad. Not to mention disappointing and exhausting. I've long since given up trying to make peace with others. I've long since extracted myself from this society, whatever it is now.

Shed no tears, nor anger yourself for the deterioration of those around you. It's not worthy of you.

i know what i wished is right

2005-11-14T23:26:00.000+08:00

There are more than enough reasons why I want to get out from here. All this time, I've been waiting and wishing, planning my future. All that time, I never focused on my present. Every year, things just became clearer and transparent. My X-ray senses have always been a bonus. Now I just know for sure.

I'm not sorry though. I'm only sorry for the times I snapped, only at the cost of losing friends. I'm only sorry for the times I didn't speak up, because I was too shy. I'm only sorry for the times I hurt people, when my brainwashed mind spoke before I did. I'm only sorry I made mistakes. At my cost. Never at anyone else's.

I've never been good at expressing myself. One reason was that I didn't want to. I believe Mystery suits me. The want to perform something is different from the ability to do it. I didn't want the practise of exposing my thoughts. My thoughts are hence worth more than a dollar, much less a penny.

I do wish I was never born though. I've wished, and I'm still wishing for it. The processes of life and death are just too much for a selfish soul like me.

The thing to understand is that there's always more to what I say or do. I'm a closed box. It's only life's spoon that forces me to open the lid a little. It's funny how people feel better after pouring out their soul. I just feel worse.

On fire

2005-11-12T20:18:00.000+08:00

I've got a sudden surge of inspirations. Thanks to dearest MTV, TV3 and deviantart.com

Ahh...the joys of living.

My current playlist:

Matchbox 20 ~ Push
Savage Garden ~ I want you
Sugababes ~ Push the button
Madonna ~ Hung up
Shakespeare's Sister ~ Stay
Robbie Williams ~ Make me pure
POD ~ Change the world
Shakira ~ Don't bother
Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx ~ Gold digger
Janet Jackson ~ That's the way love goes
Backstreet Boys ~ I Still
Alicia Keys ~ Unbreakable

I can't help but think I have good taste in music too. XD

I wonder if this is a calling for my future. *deep in thought* My current dilemma is deciding what major I'll choose for uni. I'm stuck between Engineering and Graphic Designing. =\ I suppose I'll mull over it next year. At the moment, I'm just indulging in what satisfies me the most. Wish it helped my exams though. XD

If it's another thing...

2005-11-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

I can't draw for the life of me. I can't paint. I can't bloody do anything artistic with paint, dammit. T_T I can't do anything with pixels either.

Aaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's it. You never ask me about my artistic capabilities if you wanna see daylight again. Capish?

My Rules

2005-11-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

As a rule, I never reveal anything more than a hint of my feelings. I certainly was a weird kid; quietly sitting in one corner, imagining all kinds of scenarious and play-acting them with dolls. Other kids I know were screaming around for ice-cream and speaking out loud to themselves when playing with Barbie.

I never spoke a word. The script spoke by itself in my head. Always only in my head. So people thought me mute and dumb. I only looked at them and wondered why they asked me stupid questions.

It was fun for me I guess. I was in my own world, up there. So many possibilities with so few props. Of course the occasional butt-in by a loud, screechy sister was never welcome. Of course I exploded. But I never won anyway.

That doesn't matter.

I just wonder why people care so much about what other people think. About others and themselves. Sure they're interesting. As gossip I suppose. But gossip as the main topic of all conversations is pretty sad, isn't it? No life-ers.

I just think it's a waste of time and brain power. I'd rather try to comprehend the wonders of life. Like the orgasmic experience of falling off a 50 foot cliff.

Hmm. Growing up is certainly not fun. I can never remember worse experiences than making mistakes. That's why I hate memories. Well, close to hate anyway. I'm practising selective memorising. I only remember what I want to. It's very convenient.

Well I don't bloody care what people think. Of others, of themselves, of me. I just want to achieve my goals before I die. Life's too short to bother ourselves with who said what.

I just wish I hadn't been so much of a weird kid. Otherwise I'd have people I can talk to. I've lost touch with the world. I don't know what to say anymore. Hmm. Solitude can either make one go crazy, or the rest of the world crazy.

Hey, it's me or them.

Bengawan Solo's Pineapple Tarts

2005-11-10T14:30:00.000+08:00

Whee. Nico got us 2 boxes of these from Changi Airport.
By gumdrops, they made from 100% natural, wholesome ingredients and they literally melt in your mouth. XD but get this: they're Singapore Nyonya cookies. How flabbergasting can they be? Dramatic laaa. So my kueh mor is Brunei Malay cookies la...potong steam eh.

Anyhoo, they packaged the whole thing very nicely. I like their green cardboard cover. So malay yet chinesey. Plus they're easy to open, not like some cookies, them nutters glued the whole lid with sellotape. Like wassamatterwithyouuu, people susah susah open only. In the end they give up trying to open the thing pulang. Tsk tsk tsk. Remember, fellow bakers. Packaging is important. Easy to open means eager to please our appetites. ^^
So pretty yea? ^^ They've got 3 layers of this ring thingy in the plastic container, so there's quite a lot. Wah. So golden brown. So plump and soft. So cute to the eye. So so so... *drool*
Mmmm......they're totally orgasmic. haha. They do melt in your mouth, but not literally. You chew, then they melt. They're just right that they don't go powdery and flakey in your mouth. They're just so scrumpcious. However it is that u spell it.

I tell you. Once you pop, you can't stop. I've eaten nearly the whole box, and I'm not even a pineapple tart fan!!! Go get em. Just more or less $20. Well around that price anyway. Totally worth it fer a boxful o melting moments.

Damn, that Mrs Liew's good.

devious deviant

2005-11-09T01:28:00.000+08:00

Well now. I've just joined deviantart.com and I plan to become an active seller pretty soon.

I've known about deviantart.com. for 2 or 3 years now. Syn introduced the site to me. My first impression was pretty pathetic tho. I went "Woooooooooooooowwwwww..." Hey, I never knew anyone could do art from pixels only aight?
This picture is called "Be my sunshine". I dunno who though. I remember it's a female who painted this. Yeah, she painted the whole thing. Draw and paint and all, from scratch. I never bothered to save the name of the artist. But from now on I will!!!

The graphics and talent really got to me. I practically collected hundreds of deviations (I didn't use or distributed them yehhh,they're fer personal use.) and my hard disk is like chockful of em. Very interesting stuff, some people can do.

I just find the pictures so comforting. I may not understand what the artist is trying the say, but I know that I feel when I admire the picture. Now that doesn't happen a lot. Really.

It's just that, it's so hard to express oneself these days. It's either

you can't
you won't
you bloody can't and won't

Dead depressing. I've gone out of my mind in hysterics when I couldn't say or do anything to alleviate my self. It wasn't a pleasant experience. Weirdly educational, but not pleasant.

This one's one of my favourites. It's called "The gremlins in the machine" by Gnomosapien.

I've already submitted 4 deviations. The 4th one is the most satisfying of all. I guess it's cause I put in so much effort in only 2 hours. It didn't end up entirely like I wanted it to be, but I submitted it anyway. I just had to finish it. I haven't been able to accomplish anything in such a long time. It feels pretty good actually. Like a burden off my chest.

I've always known growing up meant more responsibilities, but I never really believed in more headaches. = =" That wasn't very wise. I pride myself in being wise.

I recently read an old Calvin and Hobbes book. Calvin said "Childhood is short. Maturity is forever." He's so right. I trust his philosophies actually. I completely agree with him. Why on earth do I have to make my bed when I'm gna mess it up anyway?????? Sigh. Mothers. Monsters.

I wish the monsters under my bed were slimy and drooly and sarcastic. It's too bad for me my monsters are my memories. I think they're the worst monsters of all. Don't you?

This one's called "Run run run". Another anonymus one thanks to my laziness.

If only we could run from anything, everything we desired.

If only life was just as simple.

Sigh.

I hate growing up. It's so...so spiteful. I can't remember my self ever being so bitter like this. What's wrong with me.

Well, I hope my artistic inspirations continue for some time. If it comes and goes, I hope the periods are short. Wahaha. Sound so much like PMS to me.

Happy raya.

Raya raya raya!

2005-11-07T00:07:00.000+08:00

How to look like a Raya-ian (female version).

Step 1 : Pick a suitable tudung for the outing. If it's going to be cold, a thicker material would be nice. Keep that head warm n fuzzy. XD
I prefer cotton because they're easier to handle, plus they don't go out of shape when you're blasted by a sudden gust of wind.

Step 2 : Make sure the colours get along together. Tudung, baju, kain.

Step 3 : Make up! Never go heavy, unless you know what you're doing. I did a nice, light touch of blue eye-shadow and a thin smudge of dark eye-liner at the edges to enhance the eyes.

Step 4 : Smile, and blush. ^^ Can't see much I guess because I did it real light. Cheekbones, do the cheekbones!

Step 5 : Accesorize! I *ehem* borrowed a leaf-blue crystal oriented necklace which showed under the tudung for a classy effect. A contrasting bracelet did the charm for red shoes too.

The finished product! Wala!

I know, it's wrinkled, but I took this picture after I went out. =p

Well, the first few days of Syawal are really , always divine. All that food. *drool* I don't blame Kenny. It's practically impossible to not gain weight during raya. I haven't got the chance to get pictures of all that yummylicious food, yet. Just waiting for the opportune moment. ^^

Well the first few days went by pretty nicely. Relatives came. I have the cutest niece ever! I wish she wasn't so strong though, otherwise I could've risked snapping a picture of her. =p And parents always look oh so divine. I guess it's just the atmosphere. Everyone looks and feels divine in Syawal.

We also went to Bandar to visit my aunt n uncle. I always like going to their house for raya. It's always an interesting experience. In an odd, intellectual way. They always talk about the government, the citizens, attitudes and health. I don't know why, but everytime I go there, I come out a bit more older. Just weird and scary. I guess we're always doing the same old things every bloody day, we just don't give a damn anymore. A wake up call in a different environment always does it's thing.

HAHA. Oh yea, we went to Dynasty's to have dim sum on the 2nd day of raya. ^^ Deeeeeelicious.

Eve of Raya

2005-11-06T22:46:00.000+08:00

Well here's a recap.

On the eve of raya, i had a horrible physics paper. I also found out that I scraped by for school's physics ^^ *grin*

I had this horrible urge to clean something, so I cleared my study table and piled up every single schoolwork into a corner of my table.

Looks like a paper metropolis.

Well the usual house cleaning commenced. I found dust bunnies everywhere possible.

Ooo, I also got to be in charge of the cookies! =) We didn't make them this year, because we were all too busy with work and school. So we bought them la. Boleh tahan la, but I could've done cookies which tasted better. Wahahaha.

Woo~ so pretty. It looks like cookie town to me.

Good times

2005-11-02T20:45:00.000+08:00

well i've been ahem busy studying. today's the last day of school/exams before the raya holidays. raya is on friday by the way =( well i'll be busy helpin outaround the house celebratin raya ;) for the next few days, so here's just something to keep this blog busy. hahaha. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri! Maaf Zahir & Batin =)

I've always been the moody one, thinking that my school life sucked, I deserved better, I wanted more. But looking back, I've realized I've never really enjoyed my younger years to the fullest because of how I thought. My life was pretty sweet really. Unfortunately I just took things for granted.

happy birthday to meee, happy birthday to meee...

2005-10-30T06:38:00.000+08:00

well, ya, it's 3 days ago, but i've been bumming around "on the carpet" as Slesh would've put it. woo~ finally 17. =p doesn't feel much different, except maybe no more "oh you're still 16 ahhhhh?????"

i didn't get any pictures for the day, cos nothing interesting happened. aside from people being nicer and happier around me. wahahaha. i got a freaking call at midnite from my sister in melbourne.

Sis: Happeee biirtthhdaayyyy tooo yewwwwww, hhaaaappeee biiirttthhhhdaaaaayyy tooo yewwwww, haaappeeeee birthdaaayyyy toooo yewwwww, hhaaappeeeee birthdaaayyyy toooo yewwwww!!!!

Me: *grunt grunt* uhhhh...o hi, thanks.

Sis: What you doing ha? You're 17!!!!

Me: Uhhh...sleeping..?

Koko: Bangun woiii....

Lolz. They were cramming at 2 am in the morn. Ahhh welll. Wish I was more awake that time, otherwise I could've joined in the festive mood. Anyyhoo, I got an SMS from Farah H. too after that call. Wahlao, these people nothing to do issit? Wait till midnight to send greetings... XD Thaaaankkkkyewwwwwww anyway =)

Well the day went by fine. Lotsa greetings la. Woo~ Leong I like you're gift ;) Everygirl who turns 17 loooooove chocolate as a gift. Wahahaha.

It's a big, fat bar of black forest chocolate AAAAALLLLLL for me =)

Hmm..I had a Biology paper that morning. It was surprisingly easy. All past year paper questions woot = =" Dunno what the teacher was thinking. I'll be damned if i can't score an A for that.

Then my parents took me out to dinner. Not bad lah, but I was feeling crummy because I just woke up and my hair looked bad. HAHA. Then it turns out, they bought THIS...

...latest Phillips DVD player fer a freakin $159. And it's sooooooo thiiiiin & liiiight. Well course, this kinda bday gift ain't complete without this...

...DVDs to go with it. ^^ Oh, excuse the batteries. They just wanted to be in the picture, the photowhores.

Well then, no birthday is complete without that special silver box...

Chocolate cake!!! Well there was one more slice, but it went down my tummy faster than the camera shutter. =)

So there you go. Nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't expect anything extra ordinary either. lolz. I luv em all the cards n lil gifts I got. Thankyew. ^^

You make it sound so bad...

2005-10-26T05:30:00.000+08:00

No one wants to live here once they've got a taste of the outside world, no matter how much tougher or complicated it is. Why? Read Val's entry on being Bruneian. Sad to say, I'm guilty of almost 50% of them statements. =p

This goes a lot to show the situation in this country. No public bullsh*tting without having the government breathing down your neck. No economical or social growth. I see the same old shops in Seria today like I've seen them 10 freaking years ago. People seriously ogle at you when you're innocently strolling along the shops, whether you're decently dressed or not. There aren't even freaking proper sport centres here.

No wall climbing, no ice skating (the wax one at the mall doesn't count), no bowling (in belait), no movie centre (in belait and the OGDC crap doesn't count either), no activities worth doing, no dog watching so you risk getting your ass bitten everytime you wanna jog or cycle, no even bloody students' union ( the one my school has doesn't count cos its only for 'prefects' and they don't even have activities SUs should have) and no jobs or attachments even for under 18s. Want me to go on?

~I love ranting. And I rant a lot. If someone paid me to rant, I would be disgustingly rich.~

People here...they're all hypocrits. T_T And I've gotta say the adults here, majority of them don't think much of anyone younger than 21. IT'S THIS BAD!!!!! I asked a friend once what he'd like Brunei to have, and he said simply "Democracy." Looks like a lot of people don't have much faith in our Ruler and his government anymore. Come to think of it, maybe even never had.

ehh...sparse blue skies...just like the desertification of society.

it was a beautiful morning

2005-10-25T07:32:00.000+08:00

The first light of the day.
The object of the day.
Facing the sun.

Feeling good already.
This nutter craves attention.
A series of contrasts.

Quack.
Umm...rabbit cheep?

ahh...the highs of hot milo + mr brown energy drink + blessed be music in the wee hours of the morn...

it's kinda fun being a photowhore really. i didn't want to waste the good light anyway...

Death of Love

2005-10-22T22:03:00.000+08:00

Even during her last hours, Datin Paduka Seri Endon's thoughts were of the people and her family.

“Take care of everybody and the family,” she advised her husband Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi and family members gathered round her bedside.
“I promised her that I would do it,” a weeping Rahmah Mahmood, Endon's sister, told The Star.

It rained the whole day yesterday as the nation mourned the passing of Endon. Tens of thousands of people – from royalty, presidents, prime ministers to ordinary people – paid their last respects to our Beloved First Lady, sharing their grief with the family at the Prime Minister's residence, the Putrajaya Mosque and the burial ground. Many wept openly at the great loss the nation has suffered.

Malaysia Star - 21 OCtober 2005

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I never really knew of the lady till now. Never really saw her or even thought much about PM Abdullah Badawi's wife. All I knew was that she had breast cancer was doing just fine. But then her death came and everything rained down on me. Her contributions to Malaysian culture, Breast Cancer organizations, and concrete support for her husband. Read more here. I mean, I went like whoa, where have I been?

The thing that caught my attention the most the Badawi and Endon love. I felt something tug my heart inside when some reporter asked how Pak Lah felt and he said "Lonely...lonely". *eyes raining buckets*

I noticed he also rained her grave with like tons of petals. I mean tons and tons of petals. It's just like he's trying to preserve her as fresh and sweet as he can in his mind. I don't doubt it actually. It just makes me want to cry knowing that a person can feel such a great loss and still be patient with it. I hope I can be that strong.

No doubt the whole of Malaysia is mourning the loss of a beloved beacon of hope. Hell, I know I am.

Doesn't it make you wonder how life can surprise you when you least expect it? I keep trying to imagine death and what comes after that. I see the pictures in my head but I just can't seem to feel anything. No fear no remorse no nothing. I pray to God to soften my heart cos I sure don't wanna go to hell.

I find that I empathise with loss of a person easily. I wonder why. I never lost anyone close. So why do I know what to feel? Maybe the answers are in front of me. Maybe I just haven't bothered to pay attention.

I envy them. I wish one day I can find a relationship as solid and sweet as they had.

Life is like a jar of kueh mor

2005-10-22T00:15:00.000+08:00

No meh? Well I think so. Lemme tell you why.

The kueh mor top of the jar are always the ones with the least sugar powder. Life started out that way. Then we go on and worked all the way, right down to the sweetest part at the bottom of the jar. It might be an old, used Nescafe jar, but it's been useful far longer than new jars. Been filled with coffee, and previous kueh mors. Wiser and experienced. Every year, there's always a fresh jar of kueh mor to signify the arrival of a fresh start. But its always in the same old Nescafe jar. Remind us of our roots. When its all gone, we put the empty jar away at the back of the cupboard. Somethings are just meant to lie hidden until the need to use them surfaces.

Oh and in the midyear, we enjoy life every now and then with a crunchy sweet peanut buttery Snickers bar.

Of Faith and Religion

2005-10-20T20:10:00.000+08:00

The other day, I was sitting in school with Vivienna, Lai and Adam. We just finished a Maths exam which was a total brain buster fer me cos I was only half awake. But yes my dear parents if you're reading this, I believe I can still get an A. *wry smile*

Anyway we were discussing Chemistry, when it somehow went off track to golf, puasa, marriage and religion. Lai said his grandfather converted to a Buddhist before he died, so now everyone else in the family are Buddhists. The don't give much of a damn really, just go to the temple and pray. Like once a year? My impertinent friend here bought joss sticks to play with firecrackers. = ="

Lai lai laiiii....come pray forgiveness, or no more firecrackers on Chinese New Year haaa.

Temple keeper: Hello there. How can I help you?

Devout : A pack of joss sticks please.

Temple keeper: That'll be $3. Eh you come here very often ha. So you must pray a lot?

Lai: No lahhh. These sticks are great for firecrackers. You don't know meh?

Temple keeper: ...Oh ya ya. Er...but why temple joss sticks leh? Go Miri buy cheaper what.

Lai: Aiyaa, support the temple mahh. You all need money also right?

~~~~~~~

I just see it as totally wrong. When you simply name yourself a follower because someone says so, it doesn't make you one. Don't get me wrong. As a Muslim, I believe in God. But I also respect other religions. I believe that having faith in any God is better than none. But to say that you're a Buddhist or Christian or whatever lah because someone told you to, is downright wrong and disrespectful. Why even bother to do so if you don't have any faith in it?

Then he said, "So if a Chinese marries a Muslim, become Malay lah."

I dunno why her mouth is gaping open but does she look malay to you? = ="

Let's get this misconception right once and for all. Being Malay doesn't make you a Muslim. Malay is race. Muslim is religion. It just so happens that most Malays are Muslims. But there ARE Malays who are non-muslims. And in my opinion, if a person converts to a Muslim just because he/she is going to marry one, it just shows faithless that person is. To a higher power I mean. Sure they must love their significant other very much to do so. But if you're going to marry a Muslim,you've got to love the person first, AND love the religion too. It goes the same for any other religion too. Simply converting may make you a Muslim, but it doesn't make you a true Muslim.

Don't get me wrong. My mom converted too when she married my dad. But at least she understands Islam and its commitments, and respects it. My point is that a person shouldn't simply say that oh yeah I'm of this religion because my parents said so but I don't give a damn anyway. Have some respect. If you don't believe in God, then say that you don't. Don't say that you do just for the sake of having a religion.

Since we're on this topic already anyway, I'd just like to point out that we Muslims have nothing to prove. According to Bush's statement, "The time has come for all responsible Islamic leaders to join in denouncing an ideology that exploits Islam for political ends, and defiles a noble faith." I agree with him.

Yeah it gave me a weird feeling at first, after constantly calling him monkey face and all that, but he's right. What he didn't say is that we tried to explain it all along, and it took them God knows how many bombings and decapitations for them to realize that. I'm still glad of the fact that they at least took this initiative. BUT it's not only our responsibility to fight the extremists. It's everyones. Hey it's not our fault some people got carried away and became deluded with the notion they're pleasing a God. *shrug* Crazy people. Sigh. The world is full of lunatics.

Attention : I'm not out to insult people who converted due to marriage. I'm not insulting any other religions. I'm just saying what I believe in. I'm also not saying Islam is the one and only religion to follow. No extremism here. I don't believe in forcing people to change their faiths. My one and only point is Don't make religion an excuse.

Oh and a Selamat Berpuasa to yall now ^^ Dontcha just loooove the festive season? All the yummy food and new, pretty baju kurungs I'm getting and the ... opps I got carried away =p

Know A Little

2005-10-19T14:15:00.000+08:00

...

Don't ask.

Hi. This is me today.
Well not literally today today but the current today.

That's my mom.

And my dad.

They were in love...

...with badminton.

Still are by the way. Positively obssessed I tell you.

And unfortunately for them obssessive nutters, they ended up with two more (nutters that is).

That one's living off easy-steps-to-cook recipes and writing horrible essays for dead-philosopher-worshipping lecturers in Melbourne.

Sad eh?

Me? I'm once again starting another documentation of my life after 3 (or was that 4? or 5?) painstaking-ass deflating-memory loss inducing attempts.

I've had several business names, most of which have been forgotten by the materialistic and media worshipping public. I like to think I have a creative side though. If you don't think so, go soak your head. *sticking tongue out at ya* No one (well, you didn't claim them!!!) thought of these titles: spico, L.O.W., chickenbrain, iggybug, freebug and currently, updatedversion. So I did.

Welcome to updatedversion's 4th (or is it 5th???) edition of her published life.